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August 29, 2008

The Small Light

Everybody afraid of pain....... There is something hurt deeply inside. We are afraid of sadness, loneliness and the worse thing is...... we could not do as we want. I wish I could bend this pain. too bad there are many type of pain. My pain doesnt gone. Its still stuck on me. When I try blow this pain away. Finally, its another word Fate... Fate, why is it hard for me to understand you? Then I realize.... Its doesnt listen to us. Why is this damage here? He wont answer my question........ Cause. We need to accept how it was. Even how hard it is. Still. Its doesnt care and doesnt understand. i been trying to find a cure so I could turn back time. When I think of the past who I am. I stop thinking about it cause I want to accpet how I am right now. I love judo and Yakuza martial. The past me, I learn it and keep pratice it. Now I realize. The pain is not on my leg. Its my deep side. because I cant be that anymore. I cant believe I lose a dream. In my dream. I lose everything. still... There is one thing yet. I meet a guy in a dream. I dont know who it is, where he from but... He told me I still have the 'me' right now. Written the name Brave Love. I didnt realize I have a brave love. Till today.... I understand what he mean. The old 'me', I never being like this before. I never act like a teenagers or adult. I just childish. Now, i get it. Its the word called 'Lifetime Exam'. A test by God. That is hard for everyone to understand it. but.... We will do understand it. its hard for me to go to school. I hate stairs and ladder. My class is on second floor. i nedd to climb 4 stage to go class. To go down. I need to pass it again. but I realize even how hate I was with the damn stairs, its called step by step. I study that how important is it to be a successfull person. For knowledge, i climb the stairs. To get the small light, wich I could the smile that everyday I saw, the hand of classmate and the sound of the stairs.... To reach the light. and......... To live on! (zutto ikitte ne!) Live on till someday. Miracle be there and till it recover. Even it take more than a years. Then, I will work for the light more than a years.....

August 18, 2008

This is what happen to me...

I had a jumper knee cracking... Its getting worse day by day... I hope everybody know if they got the same problem or not.... This damage have a sign at the skin... The skin look thin and the knee is big but not in a normal shape... If you have... better meet a doctor... I ever meet doctor... This is a serious case... I ever fall down once I go up stair and it just bone lose... So I ask a person who know to put it back... then, I take it easy and I play basketball, football, dancing and parkour around... After a years, I notice that my knee is not in a normal shape... I can feel its pain and moving not smooth... I can hear a sound like a rusty gear sound... Then i have an ex-tray... On my right leg still have the bone shape... We can see on the line... My left leg had no line but peace of small bone... Then on the front got grow weird and shape bone... Doctor told me I cant be on sport or dancing anymore... I was very sad that day... I finally cry a litre of tears... But in the Aya Kitou diary(one litre of tears) I learn to accept them... maybe its hard but its a thing call faith... Doctor said I still can be on swimming only... but I didn't take swimming lesson cause I don't want to. Doctor said I need to wear this for a month... Its called , Pattella brace. This could give less damage.

As you all can see on the image above... Its Nike, very good... After a month then I wear a steel one...














Its about 16205 yen...
Well, I wearing it now and I cant play or dancing anymore for about a years if fast or more... In other words... This damage is no cure avaible...