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June 30, 2009

Can You Read Poeple Mind?

People do cry and laugh. Everything comes for a reason. What if a person cry? Why comes to mind. if everyone do really care... Why cry out?

Happiness and sadness are share in a tears,
Maybe someday you'll know,
Its like Robbie William stands on stage,
Singing a legend song with appreciation,
He is there standing with tears,
Looking at everyone like a legend,
Someday he'll be....

Maybe some are still young and they still might don't get it,
Each tears that falls on the ground show a great heart,
Maybe tears can comfort us,
But it'll end up pretty bad sometimes,
Suicide, disappearance or maybe homeless,
What I do know is,
That's human.

Sometime I cry out silently,
Its like a sword that stabs me,
Until I can't even speak out,
Even facing you in front,
I'll stay calm and steady,
Someday I'll be there thinking,
With the tears of loneliness,
Because my world totally blur,
When I hear about you and him,
I felt like shit I'm kill him!

Your love is my puzzle,
I try my best to solve up,
And all I get is a question,
That keeps playing in mind,
I rather stay away from trying,
Because the story won't begin,
But it leaves me no option to stand,
If there is a sword of love,
I color it with my blood for you,
So I can have you love me.

June 29, 2009

I'll Step Away

When I wanna cross the road,
I promise you to take the right road,
I'll stay a length of us,
Even if you don't even know,
But I guess that's how it done,
Just step away on from the middle,
And I'll stand far away from future.

There isn't a prove saying that I'm wrong,
There is a prove saying that I'm not right,
But for the name of justice,
I'll never give up innocent souls.

If the pendant of hope now can help me,
I'll be greatly safe from evil,
I don't need a gun to stand for justice,
I need the sword named by legend,
But if there is a light behind darkness,
Is hope will decide everything?

First mistake deserve a second chance,
If the third mistake deserve another chance,
Do I get the chance of trying anymore?
Or maybe I should stop?
Should I release the white flag?
Should I scream out the name of justice,
Even if I did it in anywhere....

'Its great to be coward than die worthless.'

Some thing,
I need to give up,
Maybe someday I'll never be know,
Because the compass doesn't works,
Maybe the time turn in the wrong way,
I'll give you my medal of honor,
If I can let you go...

June 28, 2009

Your Name

There in a story,
There's a chosen one.
He'll be the main character of the story,
The story end up greatly happy,
Or maybe sadly respect...
However,
In this life,
In their world...
There was a main character.
'Today that I write,
Is also the day of history,
Where a hero stands after dead,
It must be remember for the future,
Let the future of us learn from the past,
That's how a hero stands too,
Legends give him a true power,
For him to stand up bravely strong,
For the name of justice,
He creates a history.'
Maybe there is a bad ending...
But its a great lesson for everyone,
Of a warrior who behold his title.
'I don't know what feeling says,
All I know is that its a compass.
For a warrior that lost into a black hole,
A warrior means a person,
Holding his weapon for the one that loved,
And for the name of honor,
without knowing the time and place,
Only blood can speak to them.
I don't need to be know,
Because I won't be important someday,
But a name means feeling,
Live freely,
Die respectably.'
Maybe there is a person who will give up something,
Even that he knows it important,
But its the only way for not avoid it,
But being avoid....
like a legend said...
Its kill or be kill.
My Story:
'There is a light behind the wall,
Only if that this wall can be break,
He is strong, powerful and heartless,
But its a word of loneliness,
Lock by the gate of the castle,
Innocent souls are there speaking,
Without knowing how they got there,
In a second it turns silent,
Only bloods around it,
Someday it'll come back,
To collect debt that can never be pay.
I wasn't strong enough to be a person,
I can't even hold a sword,
I'll stay away from everything,
I don't want war even it won't happen,
I just wanna get along the road without ambush.
Maybe its true that better left the sword alone,
Then stain it with bloods,
Even that the bloods don't mean anything,
At least I won't be kill by God.
There is a legend said,
When it comes with a curse,
Its your call to switch it,
That's the hidden you.
Its your call in this life,
To decide how it end up,
Blood, tears and disappointment you'll see,
But if you are cool with it,
That stand up holding you name,
Like you used to,
As long as you can reach the light,
To be title,
As a true warrior,
And a legend,
In the future.'

June 26, 2009

Greedy

There is a space in my heart,
I want it to be place with happiness,
I wonder if there are human,
Can really feel it with happiness...

'An offer you can't refuse,
A blood you can't see,
A friendship that you betray on,
A stain blood money.'

Will there will be a person,
You love...
Will she'll be there standing to you when you need her?
Will she'll be with you if something cursed her?
Will she'll be loving you if she don't even wanna understand you?

'Get a ride or you wanna get ride,
Get the pain if you want deal,
Get the word if you understand the world,
Get the happiness if there is a puppy smiles.'

Could you make the world change into something?
All the impossible I wanna do...

'Let the wave brings me to the land of happiness,
No one will be there......
Only loneliness cover the page.....'

Who Goes First?

If there is someone that is no class,
Maybe you are richer,
Maybe you are smarter,
Maybe you are titled,
However....
When it comes to future,
Are you gonna be selfish?
Who goes first?
You?
Others?
Or Country's name?
To me I wanna make a title,
For the book of history.

If you say they need to grow up,
I agree...
But if you are good enough to say so,
How bout give them your goddamn hand.
Or maybe you give the country or city a hand.
Donation?
So everyone know how important they are.

When it comes to love?
Who you'll defend first?
Strangers?
Your lover?
Family?
Or maybe a friendship?
Its your call to decided,
None of them perfect,
That's how greedy human are.

When it comes to job,
What comes in mind first?
Great job with low payment?
Easy and boring?
No future than just standing?
Sacrificing friendship?
However,
Help this city...

June 25, 2009

One Last Apologize

Maybe my friend is right,
If I don't exist in this life,
She might be his,
But if I'm not exist here,
She might be no one,
Its true I did something bad,
To me its my decision,
I can stand on like this,
She is just an awesome friend to me,
I ever fall in love to her,
But I just left thinking,
What I got in reply.

'The greatest thing you'll know is to love and being love in replied....'

I'll tell you a story of this girl,
She is awesome and crazy,
Cheerful and interesting person,
She annoys me something,
She still stand to like me,
Even I don't love back,
I don't know why its gone,
I wonder if she can fix it,
The feeling deep inside...

'I'll stand forever with you if there is an us here...'

Here is a present for you,
I tied it with a ribbon,
Open it up and you'll see,
the greatest history in our life.

'When it comes to history I step back. Everything born from the past and now I'll make a new history.'

Everything you did before is just for me,
You always told me how special I am,
I wonder if there is a payment in reply,
I owe you a happiness,
Because I make you bend on your knee,
Like everything you did is a waste of time,
But I admit it,
Its not that I'm special....
Its you are...

'Maybe the history teach us to stay it this way. Maybe it just not right for us.'

Do you remember the place we play?
Do you remember how we fight?
There isn't anyone out there like you.
Keep be up awake,
Because you hurting yourself,
Don't let loneliness and sadness control you,
Let awesomeness hold you.

'
The world is moving,everyone is feeling.

I'm just faking a smile,

u don't care about me,your too selfish to,

so I'm walking all alone,

looking on the ground that I'm walking on,

trying my best to feel the wind,

trying my best to feel u next beside me.

how does it feel to be in love?

does it feel like what i felt before?

when i was with u?

should i let u go and forget the memories like u did?

can u forgive me? can u just believe?

that we were meant together.

maybe I'm not good enough,

maybe i should just let u go,

maybe i should forget the past,

maybe I should just.............................

love someone beside u.....
(sincerely written from her-04/26/2008 6:14 pm)'

'
drown me in your black hole,

everything disappear when u call,

your smile,it drowns me in your black hole,

your voice it gives me hope to move on.

i walk upon your shadows,

following your signs,

i wasn't over you,

when i kiss the wind goodbye.

you cast your spell on me,

I'm not awake to see,

still under your sweet spell silently asleep.

bring our memories back,

don't erase it away,

we are meant for each other,

i believe we're soul mates.

I'm drowning in your black hole,

asleep.

im drowning in your blackhole,

and i love it.

i inhale the air around me,

but its so hard to breath,

im cruse by your blackhole,

it refuse to leave me alone.

my love it bleeds on you,

like it has before,

im drowning in your blackhole,

like it has before.

im sorry if its too late,

i was too blind to see..
(sincerely another one written by her.-04/19/2008 5:42 pm)'

Well I post this for a simple reason. I just wanna give you the best memory before the time is over.... Hope you like it and I hope you remember those poem you wrote before...

Sorry but I don't love you... No matter how much you love me.. My heart can never erase to love that silent angel... Used to be my best friend's girl... 

I Wanna Create History

Tomorrow my picture will be competing for competition. Well I got confident I'm gonna win this but on the next one... I don't know what to say.... If I won this school competition. I'll be competing for international competition. God. I hope there is a chance for me to stand on stage here. Wish me luck!!! Anyway God... I pray for you to make me as a legend. Hope it'll be the day for my school to create history...

June 22, 2009

We Don't Need To Listen If They Don't Listen

To me I prefer to be heartless. I'm just too weak to accept stuff. Ow God. I do have a question. If there is a human can stand after dead. Is he a man? Is he a person?

Now I can hold this word. I hate my parent sometime. Its not easy to understand a heart of a son I guess. Or maybe they don't even want to understand. I'll hold on this word. I won't try on something I have to which I don't like if I can't even do well in something I like and I been dream. Its not that I don't try. I just that I need the weapon to fight. So easy. I don't even wanna do well in exam or my life if I can't even do well in my dream now. Because both stuff are the same. If one of them I can't even do well its better I don't fall down on both. Better just die or be a heartless.

Maybe what you been saying is right to you. But all I can say is that's not what correct in this soul. I can't just hoping for people or other if I do have honor. I can't just relax in a job or think free. Like mum asks to study. I can't even think if my mind is full. Only you can empty up this mind. I try my best to safe you from spending help so much so I try the cheapest and easiest. I guess they don't appreciate maybe. Fine. Its better I being useless in my whole life. Die fast is better than living without food. Heartless is better than every support you gave.

Will mum be impress if I could stand after dead? Or does she even know that? Does she knows my dream and talent? Or maybe she wanna destroy it? Is spending support is like buying an action figure for nothing? I prefer talking to wall than listening to your senseless talk. You don't even help or even know a good reason. Of course I can't borrow because someday what should I use for it? Borrow again? Ain't that embarrassing?

Tomorrow is the day. Now I can spend 12 hours thinking what should I do? There are many of warrior with sword. Except me. I better die faster by my own hand better than die on dirty hand. If I don't even have sword how can I learn technique to use sword? Wood? How I wanna cut stuff then? If it really do then prove it. Life is suck!! I hope tomorrow never come. I'm afraid to face world... Its scary and I'll be the one who left earth.

June 21, 2009

The Note On A Piece Of Paper

Day after day,
I been thinking so long,
Will there will be a chance?
Day after day,
I been wondering,
Is there a song to describe my story?
Day after day,
I been wondering,
How long is it takes more to end up the hours?
I need to kill time with something,
I been very busy all days long,
I always stay cool and steady,
So I don't look busy but seriously,
Its not what you think.
I wrote down something on my exam paper before holiday...
I guess it comes without me knowing it.

The journey I ever have in August,
Brings me to the past,
The road to October is awesome,
I love autumn,
Its the best scene for photographing,
And its a life fallen history.
This is what I wrote....

'The autumn was falling that time,
On the day we were separated,
Now that you make me fall in love to you,
But now I try to make you hate me,
I don't wanna fall on you again,
Because I don't want jealousy,
You got thousand of people,
Chasing for you and you tell me I'm special,
I think so too because you are special too,
Maybe its a mistake to do it this way but I guess no choice,
I wanna tell you something that I keep so long,
I guess it makes you feel nothing in reply for loving me before,
I'm sorry I never tell you how beautiful you are,
I'm just actually afraid when you know how beautiful you are,
You might get other guy who is better than me,
But you do make me feel special and important,
But I don't appreciate for what you do,
Because I just love everything,
Only that I just wanna start a new life,
Because I don't wanna be living,
In a novel without a push of stop,
So I create the ending of it,
But I create it because I just think so,
So I don't decided it nicely and steady,
But I'm writing for you to feel happy,
You have my word before remember?
That's I'll won't be regret or forget the past we have together,
And one more time again I wanna thank you,
For everything,
And last time I apologize,
For what I said.'

The meaning isn't how it seems, define it.

Puzzle Of Your Heart

I wonder what's in your mind?
I wanna know what's it like to place first.
If you wanna step away,
Step away with my hope.
My life and love might still go on,
I'll stand up because I'll stand for the light.
In my heart,
I can't get over you.

Every past we got in a short of time,
Is like we know each other for a long life.
I wonder what's it like,
If it comes with love in return.
I'll write for you a history,
I bet you'll be the main thing for everyone.
You got the eyes of angel,
It curse down every guys who know you,
And so do I?

You know the game,
The game of sight,
I wink at you,
Staring at you,
Just like you did,
Let's climb the mountain,
I catch if you fall,
But I'll stay a space for your safety,
In this life I wanna know what is it,
To be the first one...
Who can create the best love story.

I wanna make a song,
I'll make a song on what we been through,
Just as a memory,
Because someday you'll be home,
Or maybe someday you'll be somewhere else,
As long as you know what my love is like,
I wanna write a book,
I'll make a book based on us,
For everyone to read,
The love story of Liz,
Because someday you'll belong to someone,
Or maybe you already do...

In this life,
I try to understand a friendship,
I try to understand relationship,
Even I never been through in relationship,
But I do understand what love is like,
Because to understand love we don't even need anything,
We just need to accept and feel it,
The heart will tell you the real love,
The truth inside your heart,
It'll be place with another,
And I'll lock both of it,
So it'll be forever,
The key of that lock I'll give it to you,
Because its your call to unlock it.

Tell me what you think when you look into my eyes?
At this PROM night,
You are dancing with me,
On this Shinning floor,
Reflect light into rainbow,
I wonder if there is a length in the middle,
I'll never remember how beautiful are you,
But I do remember the smile,
I'll be stuttering when you smile that way,
You just to beautiful,
Only a cool prince like you can hold you,
That prince will have you,
And he'll give you the greatest love,
To draw your smile the whole time.

I wonder if you read my post,
Because I just want you to know,
You rock my world,
I wanna thank you,
For letting me know you,
Casualty means special,
Love means you,
Liz mean Life Inside Zargest when it comes with love...

Two Different World

We both know there are two world in us. There is a story. Written by both of us. In this world where we step now.

'Color the love with the friendship,
Color your honor with your sword,
Color your life with your future,
Be strong on the rainbow of love.'

I wonder if I step into your world. What it'll be like? Will you appreciate me there? I wonder... If there is two sun in this world. Will it be possible. Only Nibiru be the another sun. But its not a sun. This is going no way. I guess I'm not the one.

'I write a note on a piece of paper,
Dear angel,
Will you give me the wing of love,
I wanna touch the rainbow of love,
With the wing of cloud,
The cloud will bring me the map,
To guide me every time,
It comes from your wing.'

All I know in this world is I can't give you up. Its not easy. I been through all of this. When I give it up. It'll gone forever. Like the untold love before. I bet she won't know I'm exist maybe or maybe the "special" is in the trash already. I just guessing. When it comes another sun. People will talk more about the other one and the sun will be normal but we won''t know what is the real him.

'Trust is the game of acceptance,
Acceptance comes from a friend,
Friendship then goes close to lover,
It begin with crush to love,
But only acceptance can make it work,
Acceptance means of important,
When it steps back,
The crush comes into crash,
It cold and lost,
Because it'll be nothing without it.'

If there is a key... There must be something to open it.
If there is love, there must be a couple.
The key to open the lock is the dream to answer the life.

June 19, 2009

Love Story

A true story about a girl who fall in love to a guy. That girl is very pretty and the guy is pretty cool. The guy is single. 17 years old. Pretty rich too. Doesn't seem interested yet in relationship. He is too busy for his studies. I called him Dane. The girl called Valentine. She is a pianist. For her music is like a voice of heart to telling her thought.

They were study at the same high school. Not quite far away from home. They were living in the same street too. Normally Dane got driver to drive him back home. That day his driver got into an accident. So he decided to walk back home. That day it was raining. He hide under a tree sitting there waiting for the rain to go. Valentine met him there sleeping. She wakes him up. Dane awake from his sleep and he screamed. He screamed out loud saying ' are you taking chance to get on me'. She kept laughing at him and walk with him. She got a small umbrella. She got wet for giving him a better nice walk. That's how they meet.

Right back at home. Both cellphone switched. At the same moment they got the same cellphone. He called her asking to go out sometime. So they got back their cell. She started to fall in love to him. Only that Dane didn't even give reaction for her. A week before graduated, she decided to tell him how much she loved him. She text him her voice from her heart.

'You heat the tone of my music,
It won't be perfect without it,
Your eyes make me get a great night,
Where I can remember you look at me,
Will there be a space for me to place my heart,
It's cold and lonely...

Sincerely,
..........'

And Dan text back too.

'Is that heart need a room for a life?
Where it can hide from cold of cash?
Doesn't the gold is the color of the eyes?
I just don't trust the love you said...'

Here is the final text from Valentine,

'The gold is too heavy for me to carry away,
It just a source of pain,
Your eyes is the color of the cloud,
Where I can see the sky by now,
I wanna prove you the love of the air,
Here I'll tell you a love story.
Its around the bridge of romance,
Where is on news.'

A day after that day. Was found a dead body with a love note in the pocket.

'I'll prefer to give you the best for your trust,
I need a space to keep this heart,
It will break into pieces if there isn't a home,
Just like the piano,
How good it is,
Depend on the one,
Who express it.'

Dictionary Of Life

Look into the mirror,
I saw myself there,
The another me,
He talks to me,
Regret now?
Man I hate you,
All you know is to be king,
Selfish and strong,
I don't need you to tell me how to be strong,
You just what people hate the most,
Why on earth are you born?
You aren't exist,
But the fear in your own born me,
I'm the Master Of Goth,
You create me,
Now you can't destroy me,
I'll speak to you,
I'll help you,
If you do know how to be a real man.

How to be strong is not being you,
There is no word tells how to be strong,
By standing on other leg,
It just born from a trust,
And born from a heart,
And that's how a legend stand.

Do you even know what is love mean?

I know it doesn't make sense,
Even I never had someone,
But I do understand a heart of a person,
Love is a feeling,
Born from your weakness,
Born from your randiness,
Born from your beauty,
And even born from your interest,
When two soul come together in a life,
The memory to the person will never gone,
Even animal know what's love really is,
When you get it,
Just don't let go,
But when you got it,
Behold the name of loyalty,
Its a respect for the other,
After being loved....

Do you even get what you doing?

I just got into a confusion,
Where I don't know,
I wanna left a space in the middle,
I wanna give a road,
I just don't feel right to do it,
Because it won't make any sense,
I live by holding the title of loyal,
I live by holding the name of honor,
And I live to be legend,
I don't wanna be selfish behind,
I wanna care for other from the back,
Because I won't be important after what I help,
In front...
Behind,
At least they can get the smile,
As long as I can be the one,
Who can help them.

Why do you help people to match them even you never have anyone?

Isn't its wonderful if someone can help me,
I been waiting time by time,
And now I wait feel like forever,
I'll never have,
No one can give me a hand,
Because there are certain thing we can,
And some we can't.
I call myself "friend" last time,
I help my friend to reach love,
I'm jealous when its done,
But that's what I did.
Its been a while I didn't do that.

Do you actually strong enough to stand if you lost her?

......
Honestly,
No.
I can live on more day without her in my arms,
It just like the lens,
If you got the camera without the lens,
You can't even find the image and all you capture is light,
Confusion there and the answer is blank.
So lost without her as my guide.

Are you a 2 in a 1?

......
Absolutely not,
Because the second,
Is just a nightmare,
Who stands for darkness,
I'll be the warrior of light,
Even I lost a soul,
As long as the world know,
The truth of the future,
And the truth of honor.

I Can't Even Speakay Anything

Exam week just over and result got out. I can't even imagine what the difference before and now. Its a huge different. I don't really feel good the whole week and I feel totally sick. Its getting worse day after day. I can't say anything for my result. there are so many mark I can actually get it if I got the mood. Sorry to my teacher for my result. It sucks and I promise you for a better on the next coming exam.

'Sometime people can't control emotion,
That's how danger born,
God give the best on everyone,
But only appreciation can stand.'

June 18, 2009

The Past Story For The Road I Got Now

I'll tell something first...

"Let's play ball,
You play your side and I'll play mine,
Train with the wall."

Sometime, there are things we don't go on the right way. Just like the ball. Every time it hits the wall, it'll bounce back to me but the direction never fix. I feel like I don't know you anymore. I wonder why?

"Are you going to give up?
Practice makes perfect,
And live on to stand as legend."

There is no sense of trying in this world. Trying is a right way... but in this condition... now that I got. It won't make any sense. There is a true story about a girl who wanna be someone who can help people. But someday... People keep giving her hands. She can't help anyone but she helps people to less helping her. So she decided to study at a disability school. But things got bad. She then don't even wanna live in her house. She stays for the last in the hospital. To be strong and help others too. Its not easy to success the goal in this way. Isn't it greats I can give up on something I don't wanna give up, she said. Until the day she can't even get up from bed. Her dream comes true. Everyone read her story and now she is surrounded by people who got the same disease.

"When I first think I wasn't lucky enough,
I do realize there are many of them too,
Sometime its unfair for me to say,
Because you can even stand on this condition,
You are too fast and too young,
You don't even have the chance to feel free,
You suffer for a very long time at a young age,
To me I wouldn't stand,
Today you know,
Your story was told over the world,
You help others who is just like you,
To be strong and brave,
You even wanna sacrifice for the cure of this disease,
You wanna help the doctor to find the cure,
By using yourself,
Now everyone can stand because of you,
Even everyone like you need the face same ending,
But great enough to have a longer time of living.

Sincerely,
FRIEND,
Spinal Cerebellar Ataxia patient,
Thank you."

'God is unfair... Why this disease pick me? I'm only 15 and I'll never had the chance to see the world I never know. I wanna have family, I wanna play basketball, I wanna graduated and study overseas,I wanna live normal without a doubt and I don't want troubling my friend because of me. I can't live on by my own. I need a hand and strength of support.' She said.

She wrote diary every time ever since the doctor asked. When she is pretty close to her time. She was desperately trying to write. Its difficult for her to hold a pen. So she used marker pen and hold them with both of her hand. Her mum don't want her to force herself. The doctor giving a sign its fine.

'I won't miss my time on writing. What if tomorrow I forget what's today and what if tomorrow I can't wake up... Will I remember how is it like to hold a pen or will I remember what the past is?' She said.

She gives up couple of time. Her mum always the first one to know and the first one to help. She spends the whole time giving her daughter all of her hand. She won't be able to smile if her daughter cry.

'I do believe mum. She is always fist in my heart. She gives me everything I need to help me share what is it like to live free. Me... I do think I'm a source of pain to my mum. I don't wanna give to much trouble and I'll do everything I don't expect too but That's the best.' She decided everything by her own braveness to help her mum to less worry and less work.

I miss that story so much. I'm telling this story because I don't want some of my friend to give up and I'm sending a message to someone too. I also miss my metal support leg too.Now I'll tell you about my past.
I was 13 last time. I wonder how it happen but I do know I fall down very bad so many time. There is once I fall down from the stairs. I landed on the left knee straight. Its totally hurt and I can't even stand up for a long time. I went to clinic. They told me just nothing and fine and massage it. Then come another year. I fall down again. Nothing bad just that I do realize there is a funny thing. My knee felt like far from the ground but landed earlier. So I check and I noticed the shape. Its different. I just turn 14 that time. Couple of month later... I felt very bad and worst. There was a strange sound when I bend down. Sometime it hurts. So I went to specialist and bad news came by. I got jumper knee cracking. Its suck too me. I loved sport. I liked to run. But too bad I need to stop. I used a Patella brace. To let my extra bones to grow well. Then a month later. I used the metal supporter. Its a great moment. My teacher celebrated it when I got back to school after a few week of rest. I go to school wearing it. Sometimes I slow my friend down. It even annoyed me. Its not heavy anyway. That time too me was special. People keep asking. How you doing? I told them about it and some got in scared looking at my knee. Its fine now. I'm OK but when I run or stand too long... I start to feel pain. My friends and teachers... Everyone was very kind. I late for class sometime and its fine. A friend that so long didn't talk to me so long finally speak out. One of my teacher always ask. She kept asking how is your leg... Even nowadays too. Sometime. I'll just stay silent when I went out with them. I just don't wanna be treat like a handicap.

The days it cured. Something bad came by again. I fell on the ground on my right leg landed. Its very bad so I went to the same doctor again. He said its nothing just a tissue damaged. I was crying in pain and got mad. Who the hell play with strings? I'm sure they are just an idiot. If others got into it. I don't really care but I'm just cured and now I got another. One year for my left knee to cured. Now my right on. It seems OK but not totally cured yet. I guess another year again. Which is 2010.

To me my English's teacher is the best permanent supporter for me to stand and thank you. 2008 to me is a very special year. This year... I don't know. Can I stop hoping but trying? Because it doesn't make sense anymore I guess. Maybe because I'm disappear on your sight. But... I just wanna love you even its no use for hoping or even trying.

I'll end up with a few message...
'At the end of the darkness story,
Only one person can stand against the dark,
Millions of innocent warrior killed,
By a hunter for the real 5 legendary soul,
4 soul taken and these warriors were hidden,
Only one warrior left to stand for justice,
One who will stand for the light for the town,
And the one,
Who will always hold on the word,
Lived free... Die with respect....'

June 15, 2009

Drawing Of J's Guy


Drawn by Razlie,
I edit it...


Color Of Angel

There I look in your eyes,
There the angel stands,
Giving her hand of love,
Pull me to the garden of peace,
You treat me like a rose,
You give me room to grow,
You open doors that close,
You kiss the wind of faith,
With the wing of justice,
Colored by the blue sea,
Your eyes are the beauty,
Colored by the grass of freedom,
Your touch is the touch of the love,
Where you can catch me.
Wherever I fall.

You give me the wings to fly,
Fly in the sky freely,
You give me the eyes of rainbow,
The colors change me into many,
You clear the strength of evil,
To give me the space of free,
Your kiss is the light,
The gift of love that I can't refuse,
You got the voice of sweetness,
That makes everything sing too,
Your voice whisper when you aren't here,
I feel the pieces of your heart,
Cool down my feelings,
Till I fall asleep.

Here I stay,
With your voice whisper,
So far away,
You take my hand,
Makes me feel free,
I hope you here,
Telling me the story of heaven,
Learn the road from you,
That blue sky always remind me of you,
You hold my hand flying on the sky,
I wanna fly free like you do,
Now the tears belong to the rain,
Cover by the dark light,
With the dark cloud,
I don't walk back,
The road only goes to the end,
Where you or I should left earlier,
Until someday,
We'll be there again.

Your smile make me stare at you,
You are my autumn,
Your face is color with the cuteness,
There's no one like you,
You speak to my heart,
What if I let you go?
I'll never know how it'll be like,
Holding you next to me,
Will I ever see?
You smiling back again?

June 13, 2009

The Weakness In Me

I can't accept the fact that time left a while,
I guess its over,
All I need to do is waiting for the third time,
I hate it,
Very much,
I take things too far,
And think too soon,
Because I hate waiting,
I'm not strong like God,
I wanna try but there is no sense of trying,
The more I try,
The more weak I am,
Because I can just keep hoping,
The rain falls when there is water,
With the help of cloud,
It comes from the air,
The rain still need help,
For it to fall,
Just like me,
I'm just disappointed,
They break my dream,
Into pieces of pain,
So I fall down,
On my knees,
With the tears of sadness,
I lost the trust,
I wanna live like usual,
I wanna live better,
But I don't even need your trust for now...
Because you don't even giving me a hand,
For me to be strong...

June 12, 2009

The Light In A Dream

I run after her,
She just smile looking at me,
She screams out loud,
Is that all ya got?
So I don't stop chasing her,
I forget the pain of my leg,
Both,
Even its still like before,
But...
I can't feel it,
I grab her hand,
And run faster,
So I keep up on her,
Too bad I got situation,
I fall from the hill,
Till I got into someplace,
There the kids are laughing at me,
She's there,
Giving her hand,
I try to reach it,
But...
I wake up in a room,
She gives me towel,
Wet towel,
Apply on my head,
She's sitting there laughing,
She says that,
Great enough I still stand up,
I sit down and,
Everything just happen in my mind,
There is nothing than me,
I wash my wash,
In front the mirror,
I talk to myself,
Don't you think its great,
If I can stay asleep?

The morning I spend,
Sitting on the bench,
Looking at the sky,
The birds are flying around,
Singing,
Dancing,
In a group,
And even in couple,
I capture that moment,
With my camera,
I capture scene,
Kids,
Insect,
Nature,
To make them special,
So the world will never,
Forget the moment,
And the kids,
Will always keep the smile,
The nature,
In the future,
It'll be limited,
She's there at that moment,
I see she's on the sky,
Whispering,
Like She's waiting for me,
So I lay there till I got into my dream,
She's there,
Running again and again,
I finally be able to catch her,
She keeps smiling and laughing,
She also says that,
Where is the promise you keep?
You told me I got you word,
Then I turn back time,
From what I know,
I promise to stay here,
So she push me,
Its your decision,
I'll be waiting,
She also says that...
When you make a choice,
Smile and all of them hurt.

I awake and wondering,
Am I living in a life,
Or in a dream,
In that dream,
Am I dreaming twice?
I can't make decision,
Because there is no such thing,
The birds are flying around together,
There,
I find out,
Why am I living for,
Maybe sometimes,
We got to left things on the back,
And we step on the front,
Maybe sometimes,
We just can hoping,
Without trying,
But All that I know,
When you find out your way,
You'll be hurt sometimes,
But,
Its your call...

I arrive home pretty late,
The sunset is beautiful,
If I can stay out all days long with the beloved one,
In front this sunset,
I'll be there,
I'll stay the whole time,
Because there is my home,
Maybe sometime,
I don't get the love I got,
But,
I just wanna learn from with what i got,
Until someday,
When I see there is a light,
In the middle of us,
Maybe there is a miracle,
I just can stop dream,
And live in a real life,
Awake and don't step back,
Behold of your title,
Because the clock,
Don't turn back,
We just need to grow up,
And live more better,
Till we meet the ultimate light,
And be legend,
Stand in front all of the people,
With the name of a legend..

June 07, 2009

Its A Dream

I wish I can never get up,
From a dream of loneliness,
Where I don't have to care about the other,
Because without me in this life,
The life still goes on,
Because I guess I'm not exist here,
They don't care of me,
Like I said,
I wanna be important,
On my road,
I did it my way,
With my way,
I'll be legend,
With faith,
That's how I got here,
I tell God,
Take me to the dream,
Where I can worry about nothing,
Better than this life with selfishness,
Around all this human...
Not you maybe...
Some of you...
You think of it..
Are you that?

Life In A Fucking Time

When I think of the time now,
I feel like I'm gonna cry,
Doesn't feels like time goes right,
I hate it,
I wish I can stop the time so I can do the best,
Not that I fail something,
It just that everything doesn't go on,
As the time that I expect,
Just fuck this life,
Everything sucks and totally unfair,
I wish the world know I'm exist,
Because I'm not invisible,
Like glass or something...

I speak to myself,
I wish life is like a dream,
When you get up,
Its nothing from game,
But I wish,
Everyone,
Give me a hand,
I am totally,
Lose my mind,
I'm crazy,
I have no idea,
What I should do know because,
There is no use,
Everything plan,
However everything doesn't go on,
I wonder,
When will I get the lens that I want,
Because it says this holiday but,
Holy mother God,
there is one week left and I need it before another trip to LS,
I'm gonna lost my chance,
She just a remote control,
Asking me to take the picture,
That need the lens I want...

What is wrong with now,
I just can stop from hoping,
I'm just the tripod of the camera,
that can just taking easy on me...
But I warn everyone now,
Don't treat me that way,
I'm not the tripod,
But...
I will be the mono pod,
If you plan something please,
Don't just take it easy when,
Time doesn't decided everything,
Just like my relationship before,
She doesn't seems to care a damn thing,
She wants us to get together,
But she seems like she is the boss,
If that then you leave me no choice,
I have to do it,
My own way,
You can't blame me,
Let just be the one,
I prefer sleeping on the stairs,
Alone...
Without any doubt because all I can say now,
fuck, fuck, fuck!

I cry for thinking,
The time that I got is limited,
But the thing I need to do,
Need a perfect road,
Please don't make a corner,
Or I'll get a shortcut,
Or I'll just stop-by...
Fuck this time,
Unfair and holy shit,
Help me up God,
You made this event,
Give me a sign I can solve it,
I know mum just take it easy,
She is gonna get the lens,
But I wonder when because,
Tomorrow or another day is the trip to LS,
And If I don't have the lens,
I won't be going,
With the lens that my friend lend,
Is totally a shit that I can't use for my type,
Of photographing kay,
The lens is good,
But...
Not my type...
Yes but,
I need something that can get the bird or dream picture...
The 200 one is just for portrait,
Besides,
I'm going to give it back...
I'm totally nothing with a macro 70...
Just fuck it,
Life totally screwed...

June 02, 2009

School Photographer


Hey. Its me... Thanks for this picture... Tell me if there is any event at school. of course only my school... Outside it comes with a price.

The Lens Of My Eyes

I wake up from a dream,
Where the morning I forgot what I dreamed.
I try to find out the answer and remember,
But the more that I try,
The more pain I'll get,
I meet the future wall,
It stands in front of me strong and insult me,
how weak I am then a wall,
You are made up of rock!
I can't destroy you with the only strength I got,
So I decide to break it,
With my own hand,
I hurt myself,
He stands tall there and laughing,
He is a total bully,
So I give up and he keep laughing,
I sit there cry and he just shut up,
He told me how to be strong by breaking him,
But I can't even break him,
I just can accept the real way of myself to break it.

The music cursed me,
It speaks to me,
Just like a black magic,
I snap my finger follow the beat,
The voice,
The music,
Totally hits me...
I dance without realize,
How busy is this room,
Full up with many people,
None of them I know,
Now,
Let's together hit the beat,
In this evening,
You and I,
Without anyone realize,
Let's hit it,
And forget morning is coming.

I'm nothing now,
Totally not important anymore,
Because that is what I try to find out,
And yeah,
Its true,
I'll be nothing after a new one comes,
I don't really trust you,
Because I can't,
You can't buy my trust that way,
Even I asleep,
You can buy them,
Its a price of behavior,
I wanna be that,
The eyes that watch every happiness,
I don't need a fake happiness,
I just need to give a hand for peoples' happiness,
At least I carry the pain,
For the other goods,
It doesn't matter,
Because I prove that,
I'm nothing someday,
I wish somebody can appreciate me more,
So everyone could be equal,
I'll be your listener,
Because I'm a good one,
As long as I can carry your pain,
And throw them away,
And I'll disappear,
For the good of faith.

My life is just a dream,
A dream for me to be brave,
Where its not happen from the other,
But faith and I made them,
On the evening I walk on the street,
Nobody is like knowing me,
I look at the sky and ask,
Is this a dream for tomorrow?
So I saw a sign I am not truly dreaming,
I just need to wake up,
Wake up and walk to the future,
Where i need to left everything behind,
For the best of myself,
Because that's what I do,
And I won't be regret,
After the wall speaks to me,
Because I ain't gonna lose to you,
You are just the guide line of a life but,
I'll be the title of your life,
or maybe the writer,
Someday when I grow up,
We'll meet again,
You me,
In the evening,
What song should we dance?
Before morning comes?
Let it naturally decide....

Fucking Holiday

Totally bored. Nothing special on this holiday.. Just spending time on my PC face while text with friends. I lien on the wall sitting on the staircase thinking if there is something i can do on this holiday. Wednesday, I'm going to a village at my Dad's school I guess. Going to shooting there. Wonder how long I'll be there. At least I can live free with the fresh air. really miss that village.

I bagging God. Miracle or something! I need a 300 lens to sharpen my skill and technique. A longer lens helps me to get limited picture. Like a kid playing or doing something cute. Well, using a short distance we are going to get some weird picture. Some kids might run away when they meet a photographer or some maybe keep asking to take their picture. Huh. 300 really is my blood. I wonder when and how I can get it. Doesn't matter who buy it for me. My parent? No idea. I don't really need them. They only buy it if i got reason but for this lens. I think they maybe don't know what for I need it so bad? Fun? Totally not! Yeah its fun and awesome! I need them for my future too. I don't have money that enough to buy it!

Sometime, I feel like I'm alone in this house. Its totally empty... I don't have the smile like before. Like they know what kind of person I am.. Well, I guess I do spend so much but think... How many pair of shirt do you buy for me? Can count? this year... Not even one... Okay. I don't mind about that. But... When I win the prize for the competition. That money I will totally spend for my lens. then, I won't hear any noise anymore!

I will never change my way. I just need trust from people. But... I don't really need it. I just need people to grow up faster then I am actually. Shit... Don't matter because on the future someday. I will prove that I'm the best that deserve the best.