September's Prayer

I can believe myself still blogging by the weeks,
Only left a few days only before exam and I'm still here,
Well I got reason why I'm here too.
I wanna continue my journal for today.

How is everyone doing there? I wanna thank you all for your visit. I won't be updating my blog in this few days always like usual cause I'm busy and totally run out of my mind.

Today's journal begin from yesterday. It comes with love. That girl I have my feeling on her truly killing me into pieces of shit that nobody might figure out how bad it is. I loved her before and by the second she took full control of me and she made me love her again. I don't know what can I say. When I let her go running away from my heart, I just can never get through this. I just look myself in the mirror and think that I will regret in the future if I do it this way or that way. What way? That doesn't even matter. I think she's avoiding me, I hate her when she does that. Why I keep questioning... Did I annoy her or something? Okay, I'll give her a name. She's.... Valentine. When you don't reply my text, I'll give you a call. I guess right now I can't do that anymore. When I walked back home, we got into this scene. Where I felt like I'm gonna hug her or kiss her. My strength stopped and I'm totally weak enough to stand for this girl. It flashed me back where the first we almost kiss. Today I look at her secretly and just think. I'm trying to figure out what feeling towards her right now? Do I still love her? Do I? When I lost contact on the phone with her I begin to avoid myself from getting to close to her. I treat her like usual but I plant a strong feeling not to love her because I'm afraid I'll be down and down. Maybe my friend was right. That girl is a total caused for a guy to be fooled off. I might not be that way but she's totally don't give a damn care of apology or anything when she killed my feeling. I'll rather stand heartless to face her another day. Weird thing is I'm feeling great, sad and confused. I never get into relationship yet. I'm looking forward for one. Right now she got all of me. I'm totally giving myself to her.

I press this word. I never getting love in reply for me loving someone. I never felt how great is it. To be loved by someone. Where you feel appreciated and special. It just simply awesome. I always picked a wrong girl. Its not that they aren't good enough. Just that they can't be with me. Maybe me by my own screw stuff up. Yeah... I guess.... I can only felt the love from my imagination. I can't truly feel it but I totally understand. Its wonderful. A gorgeous fantasy to live in. I felt regret too for letting this girl down. Last time I don't care at all for her loving me. Right now my heart is weaken to be a real men and I can't actually believe that I'm giving a love to this this girl. I hope that she can talk to me someday so I can love her too. I really wanna love her. If she still loves me again I might totally be open for her. This heart needs appreciation. A room of appreciation.

As a matter of fact people might get hurt for love. I understand that because I do too. I have the feeling. My soul speaks to me when I'm down. It stand for me as a spirit that I can count myself on. That's how I stand myself traditionally my way. When my heart is empty and cover by shadow, the melody comes from people heart inspire me to feel someone right now is holding me and sharing a love. In doesn't matter what way, I feel like I'm not alone in this world anymore. Do I get the chance? To feel someone hold me tight and never let go? I can feel so much care with it. Its like the world is talking to me and listening to my voice whispering silently inside. Sometime I felt like my soul is dead under this noisy rain where nobody can listen.

Isn't its sexy if my love line is like kissing under the mistletoe of Christmas? What a faith and destiny I can say. It just beautiful and sweet. Taste like candy that killing the moment. Holiday is just around the corner. I'm gonna miss school so much and start a new life. I'm gonna work, learning violin and also trying not wasting my time senselessly. I also wanna go on a date and write a book called 'first come first. First date, kiss and love'. If I find a girl to bring with. Maybe...

My life is artistically colorful. Its like a drama or story book. I felt lucky enough and unlucky enough. Right now I wanna dance like crazy. Its cute like singing when showering. This life is wonderful and extremely a strong test everyone. Right now I guess I'll end my post here. Well, please don't waste you time right. The big test is just around the corner. Also please don't waste your love, appreciate and treasure the one besides you. Rather than you don't have anyone. Just like me here, all alone and simply lonely with my camera. The camera I kept so many photograph in it. It contains memories that shouldn't be forgotten. I'm not trying to be humble or what, I'll stay myself as that swanky ad snobbish. That's the unique of me but I'm not what you expect right now. I'm way better than that. Lets pray together for our big test on the upcoming October.

'Dear God,
I might have seen so many in the past,
The time that past I learned a lot of things,
That can never be count by my finger,
Do you remember our prayer like we remember you,
You sure do always and forever.
In our prayer we place our honor,
Where you have us bend on our knees,
We are under your strength,
You decided the future of us,
Right now we are on our knees and asking,
With a great pleasure from our heart,
Please give me a light of hope for the test,
Where guides us to be a legend for the future of us,
Maybe not just us,
There are so many of them,
We are the apprentices of the legend,
You have us now God,
We are not afraid to stand alone,
Because you are always there by our side,
We believe in that always and forever.
I wanna pray for the others and me my own,
I wanna ask you for a great future God,
Doesn't matter what way you are gonna help us,
It'll always be a pleasure for your hand.'

Right now we can only count on ourselves and stop counting on luck. The luck won't help every time. It just another sense of coincidence. Good luck everyone and be the best. Not in your exam only, your life too.

Love,
Liz~