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February 27, 2010

They Dont See Certain People From The Better Way

They Dont See Certain People From The Better Way

People feelings aren't just a game. Some certain things people just take it easy and some certain things we don't judge them from the way its naturally suppose to be. Have you ever feel so good there's a girl lay in your arm with full of love as you are with her forever? I believe feelings can bring us to another stage in relationship. Some sort of things like hook-up comes up to a real love but sometime it ends up real bad and its totally unfair for one of them. They told you they was being played. However, I never heard of a hook up ends so smooth.

On a night of September. I dreamed something I never expect it to be real. Its me having this secret relationship. Never heard by the others but only both us living in our time. But in sort of times, we still having this love together but some certain things won't be that easy. So I toss the ring of love and my heart was chained with the strength of shadow. Deep inside I have this feeling I don't believe. If I ever look back for this love of silence. If I expose the truth of this heart, I won't be able to listen a single note of that girl's heart. So I wonder... What makes her special? Or what's behind her feeling on me. Or maybe. I was actually played by professional. Or? Am I just... Hiding?

A friend of mine, Fakhrul. He's the only person that isn't competitive outside when it comes to love. He believes a true love comes only if it could happen. But before he ever come to it. He'll give a way for the others to compare. But sometime... We don't know somehow what are they actually hoping for... But for somehow... We just don't know what kind of person stands behind their shadow. So far I know, he believes love can be discovered by the note of his fingers....

I just wonder. Why love can be so wonderful... Like the field on my viewfinder. Whenever I look into it. I see those captured moment with motion. Sometime it makes me smile and cry. But both black and white is still the match up to be an image... Without both this whole image are totally empty.. No one can figure out what makes the different between us living under this shadow and light. Because we don't live one. Everyone makes no different. Unable to be compare.

The time walking forward like my age increasing. Each day I'll get older and older. Soon I'll be no longer a teen. I'll be an adult. I'll go to work, start helping myself and living at my own home. But looking on the reflection of the mirror. Yes I'm ready. Nothing to fear that the field of death. I won't stepping back again. I just hope my heart can be more open. Sometime things seem to be better than me. I felt like loser or something. But sometime there are people being so nice to me. Just felt I was better than others. But I know, some certain talks. Are words of thoughts. But sometime to me. I just don't understand. Why would I wanna be better? Why I couldn't give a chance? Or maybe. I just think. This world goes on my feet. But I wanna be better than this.

February 26, 2010

There's A New Reflection

From the song of A1. I felt that its beautiful to walk back on time. Maybe I just try to be the answer because I don't wanna lose a girl of my love. But I finally let her go the way she wanna be She means nothing to me anymore. Or maybe she does but she's a star that is so hard to reach her. She's just there next door of my class. Yesterday I saw her. I just give her a smile and that's it. Life have to go on the way I can. I'm not gonna stop running just because of a broken leg. Or else it just all or nothing. I just wanna move one the way I could and love planted to be silent and mystery in me. No one can ever understand who I love or what I wish for. Its good no one ever know because it just feelings. Senselessly noted on my note. But one thing for sure. Love is my blood and I live with it. She? Just a new reflection of myself. There's nothing than a burning feeling or boost in myself. Its true it just not enough to call her a friend but facing the fact. She's not even a single shit into me. And she's just a kind of girl who is just untouchable. I tried to be the answer but just fact... is fact......

Three words just an empty note framed with rejection. In the end I realize I was loving the wrong person. Maybe its good they don't know who I love kept under my shadow. Because I know that I don't deserve her. For sure she deserves someone placed rank under my bow. But I'm sure things just things. Love just love. An empty note kept behind my heart. In this life, time and again. Looking back I don't see any goods. Because what I build is a total mess. Unclear, mystery and turn out to be dust of feelings. Can be blown but infinite in numbers. My eyes see the pretty face and beautiful feelings in a person. But I felt shadow of their wings.

Just so they know that I have nothing than myself, friends and romance in my blood. I have a red, pink, white, purple and orange roses. All covered and watered with the liquid of love. That makes me being the real person who I am. I was another warrior with a nameless sword and that unknown by any person on Earth. But I was standing in millions of them. So I try to be heard among the rest but only those blade that slays the name of lord could be the credit and titled as the 'true warrior'. But I was just another survival left and stands for my own king but was nothing than a warrior standing in tears.

Princess deserves a good looking prince and ranked. I could just dream in my own fantasy and be the God of my own life but I wasn't a God in my own world. Because there's only one God.... and that's not me. I'm just another unheard person below the shadow of the Earth. Where can I be seen? No way... Just around the street. Which street? Forgotten street.

If only I could stand as a star... The icon of the world. The guy of the man. The one among the rest. I just think that's the greediest thing I ever think of. I just hope to be living below my own hut. Under this silence of nothing. Respected and heard from others. But unseen behind my shadow. Maybe that makes me a legend. Or maybe just makes me feel special. Or just... Liz....

Looking at the field of nature. Makes me feel free and fantastic. No lies lay on my own shoulder. Like the motion of time captured by the blue skies. With beautiful white clouds and nice view of trees. There's no smoke, no pain in the eyes and only the birds are heard. I'll be living under this source of my dream lights. Not enough just the light on my flash. The light of my heart.

My lens took a blow of inspiration. Only if I could be heard and seen on the television, radio or books. I should have no worries in facing the future and what comes tomorrow before the day I'll never be able to live again. I bet there's this reflection of luck comes late last minutes of time that takes the patient of 10 guys like me. I believe that's the biggest miracle that could ever happen to me. I just wanna be that way. Living in peace, smiling everyday, captured on scene and touched on the night of my sleep. So I end this post with another note of my heart. Not just a note but something more than that, a voice of my heart.

'I feel the pain of my shadow,
Just too much to stand in my life,
Look back on my shadow of hope,
I'm sure there's still this moment.

Lifetime deserve a respect of faith,
Sure I'll be standing the day after,
There's no pain to be felt,
Other than the pain of feelings.'

'He might not be the guy of you dream,
But he just wanna be the guy you'll be remember.'

Walking Back On Time For A1

I always got inspired by A1's songs... I listened and I'm very happy to see they return as A1 again after decade of disappearance. Seeing them back on stage just great but one thing bad just Paul isn't there. He is always welcome back to be on stage with A1 but no one will be replacing his place. Now I'm sure any year by now or anytime by now. They will stand back like before after they have enough money to restart what they build before. Go A1... I felt like I was that 6 years old boy like before. The first band, song and boy band. Right now they are already a man band. However, thanks for A1 for great appearance again. Decade of waiting I still listen to A1's songs. Just amazing and touched. Everyone should listen to A1 and help them making their dream comes true. Like they used to since 1999. Good luck for them and they started 2 new song already. So much cooler but way better if Paul was there too. He's one of A1's member too. He deserve his respect and he's always welcome back to be placed where he supposed too. Ben Adam, Christian Ingebrigtsen and Mark Read... Go for A1. Not forget Paul.. Where are you now? Hope miracle happen for there 4 guys to be on stage again after 10 years of A1 unheard but still on tuned.

February 25, 2010

Abandon or Left? Both make no difference

She tried to be real nice and tried real hard to replace the past so I could live myself like the past. But sometime love or relation can never be replace. Amelia asked me a question yesterday before I got home from Basketball with friend. She asked me 5 reasons why I want her to be my stepsister. So I just wonder. Does anyone need 5 reasons or more? 1 reason wasn't enough? Just wonder. I'll list down those 5 reasons right below of this post. Before I get there. I told her about my previous post but not completely. She told me she tried to take my last missing stepsister's place but she can't. I guess no one can replace but Amelia is still herself. She might not always been there for me like my stepsis did but she's still a perfect person. Maybe not perfect as others who live over lighted cash but she's just that girl who wanna just be there for love. Love is just wonderful and a real pain. The biggest pain in love is to be patient on waiting. Ever since I know her, she's always a fighter. Not a real good fight but not a loser.

My stepsis wasn't just a normal person. She was the greatest friend I ever had before. Amelia might won't be able to replace her but sometime they both behave the same. They have a lot of things in common. Just not the same person but... A lovely person... and always... My great friend. And that won't make any difference between both of them. I miss her and I have her by my side. I just wish I'll be having her as my greatest friend. That's make them my stepsister.

In my own word I say. No way people can replace the other. They are irreplaceable...

Today's journal. I just had a sort of bad day. That's because I played Basketball yesterday after almost a year above I didn't play it. So hard to walk to school and today's lesson. I wasn't that lost. I felt better after some things are told out and being able to listen by others. I'm glad I don't walk as my shadow but I just walk with it. Biology I could understand a little of them. Finally. I be able to listen for what the hell am I study. Chemistry was great after I got those spirit in study. I be able to step in a  great position than before. But I was just a quater of knowledge accepted and memorized. So I still worry for the upcoming test withing this Thurday, 4Th of March and I was totally... cool about it. I don't know why but I'm worry for my results.

After I clear out my closet. It felt way better than before. I admit. Note and Poem there are difference. But only those who knows the secret and listen to its different.

Love life?
I was totally great and fine about it. I guess without telling I love her she'll probably knew it already. Every time I have her over my fingers. Other than a touch of love? What does she expects? Love played a rules of game. But patient played role in importance. It just something you shouldn't afraid to try because love this might teach you a lesson... But not for you to use someone as a lesson. It make sick to think about the past I'm stood over loves that covered with a cold and lonely blanket. But what past... Just left as a photograph.

Is just a state of feelings. 'Left inside a box. Abandon from trust but felt from distance.'

And the 5 reasons I just stated in here... I might not be 5 but its way better than 5.

February 23, 2010

A Journal??? :Journey Under My Lens

A Journal???
There was this Chinese girl called me playboy. I forgot what's her name but we are not that close. Am I playboy? Don't you think it sounds stupid when someone called you playboy but you never even been in relationship. Not even a girl you have. I just wonder what makes her think I was a playboy if I ever love more than 3 girls but not at the same time. I felt sorry for her to be fooling herself telling me something I was totally forbidden to hear. I can't love a person all the time if she rejected me. Don't you think it just sound so desperate for a relationship. Some girls don't like to be forced or to be loved all the time. They just felt locked to someone's and there is no way out. That's another word of forcing. I don't force a girl to be with me. I tried about 25 or more times but all didn't work out. And she told me it was just playboy. Totally stupid for me to figure out a failure of love and not the one who stands in million girls can be known as playboy. I don't even have a girl by my side. No I don't have one and I guess I don't need one. I'll be patient to wait for a girl who can really love me and accept the way I am.

I'm already 16 and I'm not really ready to have a relationship. It just felt like so soon. I take more than a year to know someone better. It wasn't that fast because I don't stick to a girl. Because someone of them just don't wanna be around their partner all the time. They wanna be around with friends too and even family. I don't stick to someone like a dog sticks to its man.

Relationship sometimes freak me out. Earlier March 2009. I was totally choked up when I got real close to someone and I figure out she loves me. I just felt guilty or sorry for her. Because I know I'll be just friend and won't be more than that. I tried to be nice sometime and I tried to accept her but by time I got there. She was totally desperate enough and I found she was immature for a relationship. I wanna have a serious relationship with someone. Who can that be?

Amelia asked me early December last year who I was in love with. I told her it was no one and I don't actually found it someone who I can rely on. Or maybe I think it just my own fantasy. I forgot about that girl already. After the 3 year I tried to be a great friend and to be her partner but it just seem didn't work out. Well you can say I'm not good at flirting or whatever. Just uncool.

This morning before class Jenn and I are planning on writing a song. Well, its totally cute. I love writing poem or notes but I never think about writing a song. I ever did tried already but aren't that impressive. Totally suck out. So this is going to be something really new. Fakhrul ever heard my song. I wrote it with some stupid lyrics. Just to fill in the empty song without lyrics. He told me it was nice but 'nice' in my dictionary is just barely like not bad. When they say not bad it doesn't actually mean good or bad. Just they don't know what to say and don't wanna hurt someone's feeling. So it wasn't that impressive. Totally.. Yeah! I said that.

Tomorrow, Thrusday. Totally a disaster. Sure Miss Yiak gonna chop my head of with her ruler. I didn't actually do it yet and not even thinking about doing it. Today I was totally lost from others in History and Maths. Tomorrow gonna need to pass up Physic's workbook and impressive! I used invisible pen to do. Not even started yet. Today I stayed up at school until 2 for extra class and waiting for Mr Azlan like half an hour after he arrived. I remember what he told us before this...

'before 2 I wanna see everyone already in my class'

So I wonder. Should we make a rules too... Just joke. Please laugh if its suck. And class started late and also extend for another 30 minute to full-fill the 2 hours lesson because he arrived late. Now I think that's totally........ What's the word already?

Reach back home I start reaching to my computer and switch it on. Then I go took a shower and start web exploring with Mozilla Firefox. Log in to Facebook and start entering my blog. I just realize I received good view from people since I posted a journal. Something like my diary. I also recieced comment too from someone but I wish there are more of them willing to leave me a comment so I could hear peoples' thoughts or maybe their kind words. I'll be posting my daily journal by day if I have the time. And thank you for reading.


February 22, 2010

The Truth About The Boy, Liz... Myself

I wanna start up something new. Maybe I won't be posting some poem or stuff like that. I guess it sounds emotional or maybe too hard to understand. And some of you think it was boring and just 'EMO' like Firdaus told me. So here I wanna write a voice of my heart. I hope no one felt guilty or touched or whatever. Be open now. Let's listen to my voice together. True story....

My Journal : Voices Of My Heart

Last night,
I text Jennifer night before one o'clock. It was a total sad night. I told her something no one know except my step sister who is not here anymore. I wonder how is she doing. Jennifer is the second person to read this. Other than that no one ever heard this. Jennifer is a nice charming girl. I felt better to tell her everything and I wanna tell everyone about this.

Last Friday. My step sister Amelia. She's a kind and nice person. Lately I try to tell her something but when it comes to it. She kept telling me about her love's condition. Maybe its wrong sis. She are not a shoulder for me to cry. In fact I am her shoulder to cry on. Listen to her story made me felt sad enough and I couldn't tell her something. I tried so hard to tell her something I really need to speak out so I wrote them on a piece of poem that I called a 'note'. She told she's too weak to face her problem or to accept her condition. Right now I wanna make something clear. I was the one desperate trying to tell her something. I felt like I was abandon or ignored when I try to tell her. Sometime I try a different way. She just thinks I was strong. As the matter of fact I was just hiding behind my brave words. No I'm not strong and I'm not perfect. I'm just an ordinary person like any other person. I fear death and I can't accept lost. I hide myself under my note that makes me looked like a strong guy ever after all but I'm not. I'm just weak. Weaker than her.

I told Jennifer something I really wanted to speak out. I just felt fucking miserable to keep it all in my mind. I just wanna be listened and I believe Amelia is the one I should share with but I just don't get the chance to talk to her.

I just wonder God? Why do you have to test me this way? Why not you try them to others who are stronger than me.

I'm 16 already. never been touched or kiss. I'm still single and totally lost in finding the definition of happiness. I was born somewhere I don't get to see the yellow, red tree. I can't see the blue ocean. I can't feel the fresh air and I live under the sun. I was a 16 years old boy hiding behind my latino shirts. If I get to live somewhere free and better. I won't be competitive behind my class and name.

Miss Yiak told me she found I was immature. I cursed her after she said that and I was totally losing myself so I secretly wrote a note to insult her and to scold her. Sometime I think she was right. If only I'm at her place and she in my place. I guess she will curse me too. But I realize Miss Yiak was right about it. I was just being competitive between myself, ranking and career. I hate staying behind. I wanna be better than other always.

What if luck change tomorrow? or what if tomorrow just another repititive days? You wake up, go to school, eat and sleep. What if God changes my faith? Or maybe I just have to face the fact its not making any difference. I'm just a loser to that wall. I cried, scream or even trying to kill myself but everything are just stupid. The wall won't break down. Tell me a lie or magic to face this fear. Sometime we just wanna felt heartless. But I just wanna be heard and known. I just hope people could listen and feel.

Today I step in my next door class. Amelia's class. Well I was trying to talk to her. Maybe there's no use. She's too busy as I do too. I didn't complete my homework and I hate Additional Math's lesson because I was totally lost. Teacher was too fast. I tried to ask her to slow down but she didn't listen. Even if I did. She still teach real fast. Biology comes to another period after Additional Math's lesson. I have a class in Biology lab. Its totally boring to take a test. Miss Yiak teach real good. Its not a problem the way she speaks or pronounce something. I asked her question and she answered me but I totally don't understand a single thing she said. I just don't understand my class. I try to study and listen but I don't even understand a thing.

Chinese New Year's break just over. I don't wanna get back to school. Mr Cheng told me I was completely lost and yes I am. Not that I wasting my time so much on the internet. I was controling my emotion and trying to feel better in a wrong way. Mr Cheng is teaching real well. Just the problem I hate homework. Just another pain in the ass.

Love is always a puzzle to me. Not right now. I have something more than that. Love is a problem I've been holding and I'm brave enough to face love. Maybe someday I'll tell the girl I love her. I guess I felt better that way.

Luqman a form 3 student from the J class. Which a class I was from too. He wrote note too like I did. Right now I guess he can wrote just the way like I do. I was very happy and proud to be saluted and respected by him. Felt like I was appreciated. I wish he won't stop what he write and I'll keep on writing too. That's very depend if I have the mood.

February 19, 2010

I Was Competitive

Why should I?

Over months of regret I never felt your happiness
you told me I was the charm of luck in your soul
but I was the one who felt unlucky

Down over the battlefield
warrior were all covered over the space
there was this abandon hut around the lake
covered and protected by shadow
light flashes over the surface of shadow
stands by my bow on the light of shadow

Tonight no warrior shall fall
I was powerless without my sword
I believe blood tastes it all
a single stab with my bow

By morning I woke from bed
those that I love
begins to hate

I was competitive over my shadow
by dawn I shall know that I stood low

The shadow has been broken
silence steps over the drops of blood
but I was those who bleed those blood
pain was felt if you stood tall
all hail the king
that kills us all.

"Life is unfair in certain way,
Nobody's perfect,
As the matter of fact only God can be perfect,
Live life love way you got,
Blood doesn't gets you a better way"

February 18, 2010

Photo Of The Day, Month and Week and Photograph Of Marudi


Red As Blood


Close-up With Sky

Photo Of The Month
Live Life Colored By Side

Photo Of The Week
Wideness Of The Planet



I don't walk to my past
nobody live or traveled along their past
but past shall never be forgotten

Photograph captured with a single snap
50 over 50 of those were the truth
but those light colored part shall be darken
cause shadow stands under your light

A single beat of danger
as those falling stars reached Earth
stands the day after tomorrow
or day the day before tomorrow

Memory shall stand still
past shall be memorized
but I will never walk back
if time you left me away
I shall never walk your way
*That Cute little Girl*

Love light of gold
sketched strong with a mighty bow
an arrow stab sharply toward your heart
not anymore accurate before you stab me
I love you a single note I wrote
by time I forgot you leave the day Ilive
you stands there in my mind
without an answer
and you should never live there
*That Blondie*

Love life a thousand miles
long journey before the truth is seen
I'll live the life I could
and I'll never give up on love
because I shall be fallen
by the ground of death
bullets can stop me
I'll live with it.

February 15, 2010

First Date

It was dark
cooling and nice
you start falling asleep

 You lay on my shoulder
my arms are locked with your hug
I was holding your hand
as I believe it was love

I was confused and lost
I took my step and counting your fingers
your react in a lightning
and you are the Tornado
who was the first to have me in the arms

I have no where to go
in the dark I believe I could reach your lips
my hand was covered with a warm temperature
and you lein on me

February 14, 2010

Valentine's Note


Chocolate, flower, date and gift.
Its all what I've seen on valentine's day
not for me in a person
I don't give chocolate or flower
I give surprise
something priceless
cannot be kept but can be remember
touched and felt

A bottle of water
I poured them into the river
with the bottle together
and start making a wish
I believe
nothing more than the waves
the movement
or maybe the voice

I see a shinny piece of glass on your eyes
I saw lover holding hands together
I saw the morning sun shines brightly through my window
and I saw you under my imagination

Just a plain piece of paper
shall be there this shadow
shall be home soon the light
shall 50 goes 50
never lost in those sleep

Love landed there from sight
on touch you see the light
light that seen from your side
where stands those red romance
bleed through your blood
and touched on valentine

The phone rings that you are waiting
as flash the call was answered
you hear her voice and you were smiling
you felt her sense of love
walking to your heart

A magical day of the year
like the amount of rock hidden by the side of beach
a voice whispered in the shell
only those sense of romance
could listen to them

Sun sets on the evening
before night shall fall
I'm sure its happening
from a kiss tells it all

Your soul spoke by the night it falls
my heart beat before I sense it all
the tree dances by the wind that blow
Everything just as I said so

Two love stick on both lips
as the surface touched the needs together
a single hug describes the word romance
hang as a keychain as the word Valentine.

February 12, 2010

Fly By Time

If flower was bloomed before Sunday
would there be any coincidence
that things didn't come along
on the same road

Flight from North away
land along across the runway
what ends from the bottom I didn't expect
what land before the runway
is a total disaster

She walks along the road
on a simple note shown
from the look on her face
if it stayed that way
why would I believe anymore in coincidence?

February's break begins by now
each second counted to be miserable
but moments brighten by the sun
lately sets within nights to be rise
when there's the ungodly soul young guy
shown as the strength of the sun
where's the light of justice?

Is it going to land perfectly
50 miles away from the darkening
before night arrives
I'll be sure morning to stand
as noon gone by noon
as love flew to be true

The light stands night after night
lost like paradise is in trouble
your touch speaks to me
what makes me realize?
Ice can never melt?

February 11, 2010

Early Valentine

Looking at the star
there outer space so far
life just seems to be that way
something that I just couldn't say
always remain mysterious

Perfection won't change the fact
I was all alone in till I got to 16
I never felt love but I do felt silently
secretly felt from my precious heart

Those birds are singing early morning
like morning was scheduled since Monday
first day for our weekday
a starts of the week
Slowly the sun turns dark
cloud seems to be unseen
and rain begins to fall
dream apart from the space
laying in tears

Live life located in a box
under the box you got a room
live there under your shadow
or just stand the way you could
and never stop something you deserve

I couldn't blame love for giving me an unfairness
the look on your personalities or appearance
still won't make anyone fall on you
the word love won't stick to you
only if I could have that

Lesson of the day already started
and I was totally lost myself in my dream
Early September hunts me as an animal
February dated
Early Valentine

Listen to my favorite song
played for me to feel
something I couldn't feel
each melodies told me a different story

A cup of coffee served early morning
it was 5 early morning
start up wearing nice

Early letter on my keyboard
seen the letter of your name
the bell on my phone was heard
sharp as I was alerted to my cell
but it makes me realize
running on quick
you got to be on time

'Certain things are noted there
listed long to be uncountable
Certain things just gonna change
I need to try for my first love'

and I was only a bird
that lost it wings

Took A Piece Of My Heart

I believe love always in front of me
but I was blind enought to see
to appreciate
or to listen

I was stubborn and naive
I love the one who don't love me
I ignored the one who loved me
and I pretend to love the one who loved me

Silence on this shadow I really need to be real
isn't its nice if we could love the one who love us
will it be great if I could just love someone
that was there in front of me
without even care what they say about her

It all begins after the beep
all thosewings of faith are build
wish are listened
but didn't go on

Those light that shines
reflected on the eyes
all those back mirror that seen
gonna be standing on your side

If only I were there as you were here
it all takes long journey to step back
what impossible always impossible
but all those love
anything could happen

Valentine dated on the month of February
where its only 5 days away from my birthday
I wish I found something that I could treasure
I wish there's a gift from heaven

Write down your name on a piece of paper
not much more seems to be a letter
I know what's on your shoulder
Yeah I ain't walkin any further

I wanna hear your voice so long
as everyday is Saturday
I wanna hold for so long
as there is the room for your heart lays

Hot as the sun
sets by 6
cold as snow
recorded by beat
single note played single game
I'm not a shame to be lame
as if the girl is listen
that's what things called appreciation

Only a piece of paper could mean a lot
stated there,
"I Love You'


February 10, 2010

Better out Side

Just listen to your voice
my heart slowly beats
all those pain are just noise
that could never get heat

From the situation I felt
The sun sets by now
the flare is seen on the window
way so much different from snow

Cold and windy
out there isn't a disaster
it just too messy
just on my view finder

Where could I see those things
just a blank piece of note flies
what makes you think
I can stand high?

I believe in things called love
that was just planted from boys and girls
from a friendship it started
blossom into something bigger than we expect

She's not the one
that you might amaze
or maybe she is the one
who could melt you

As the matter of fact I know

My heart towards her stands vertically upwards
not a single lie hidden backward
I believe maybe she thinks another way
when time comes by night
where those song were played

Patient was tested like chemicals
it takes a long time to discover
a missing part or the sentence
that join in the note of melodies
like those music could end somewhere
or else there isn't a right line
maybe just the condition


February 09, 2010

Sweet 16

I'm sweet 16 by now~ Maybe I do think there is something amazing. Maybe its the love? Its the cake? Or its the wishes I collected today that hits the amount of 79, that includes you teacher. Almost there to hits 100~ However. This cake shows my pleasure for you all who wished me.. Thank you~


February 08, 2010

Love Birthday's Gift

Fail once
Fail twice
Fail trice
For the fourth time again
Fail again for the fifth time
Again and again

Now I'm one this new story
I fall in love to this girl
Maybe there is a total distance in order
But is this gonna be new to me
Or maybe just like before

God I wonder
what can I expect from this
is this going to work out
I bag you for an answer
if it sure gonna hurts my feeling then please
hurt me now
so I'll be strong enough to live love life again
it doesn't matter how much blood I bleed

I wanna fight for love
and I deserve way million times better than this
or I'm just another pathetic?
or desperate enough to talk
to voice
to speak
to scream

As the matter of fact

You not in my place to understand
I don't see anything related
from teachers
or my siblings

My heart now kept to be silence

I'll kept this love remains a secret
its okay nobody know
if it worked out
maybe I might tell the whole world
but another time I'll fail
its okay
I just need to wipe those tears right?
God you tell me.......

People stands for me
they support me
go for it they said
each every time
each everyone
and each every girls
each every love

What's gonna be my birthday's gift?
the greatest gift for me is something from her
I don't expect something so much
maybe just a wish
or just a smile
or maybe
nothing more than love

What is it for I'm looking
times running and I fear facing tomorrow
as if there were time before tomorrow
I wanna make first love be my gift

5 days away from valentine
and I was 5 way away from her
why is it so hard?
why is it pain,
yeah it was my heart

Silence like the wind
nobody know and nobody care
just a flying note presenting myself
a mysterious letter placed,

Can I believe there is love for tomorrow?
May I listen to God should I believe?
Do I suppose to love day for tomorrow?
Or tomorrow just another senseless day?
As today that past~

My wish for the day
then may I say
'A Love Birthday's Gift'

Curtin's Trip