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February 23, 2010

A Journal??? :Journey Under My Lens

A Journal???
There was this Chinese girl called me playboy. I forgot what's her name but we are not that close. Am I playboy? Don't you think it sounds stupid when someone called you playboy but you never even been in relationship. Not even a girl you have. I just wonder what makes her think I was a playboy if I ever love more than 3 girls but not at the same time. I felt sorry for her to be fooling herself telling me something I was totally forbidden to hear. I can't love a person all the time if she rejected me. Don't you think it just sound so desperate for a relationship. Some girls don't like to be forced or to be loved all the time. They just felt locked to someone's and there is no way out. That's another word of forcing. I don't force a girl to be with me. I tried about 25 or more times but all didn't work out. And she told me it was just playboy. Totally stupid for me to figure out a failure of love and not the one who stands in million girls can be known as playboy. I don't even have a girl by my side. No I don't have one and I guess I don't need one. I'll be patient to wait for a girl who can really love me and accept the way I am.

I'm already 16 and I'm not really ready to have a relationship. It just felt like so soon. I take more than a year to know someone better. It wasn't that fast because I don't stick to a girl. Because someone of them just don't wanna be around their partner all the time. They wanna be around with friends too and even family. I don't stick to someone like a dog sticks to its man.

Relationship sometimes freak me out. Earlier March 2009. I was totally choked up when I got real close to someone and I figure out she loves me. I just felt guilty or sorry for her. Because I know I'll be just friend and won't be more than that. I tried to be nice sometime and I tried to accept her but by time I got there. She was totally desperate enough and I found she was immature for a relationship. I wanna have a serious relationship with someone. Who can that be?

Amelia asked me early December last year who I was in love with. I told her it was no one and I don't actually found it someone who I can rely on. Or maybe I think it just my own fantasy. I forgot about that girl already. After the 3 year I tried to be a great friend and to be her partner but it just seem didn't work out. Well you can say I'm not good at flirting or whatever. Just uncool.

This morning before class Jenn and I are planning on writing a song. Well, its totally cute. I love writing poem or notes but I never think about writing a song. I ever did tried already but aren't that impressive. Totally suck out. So this is going to be something really new. Fakhrul ever heard my song. I wrote it with some stupid lyrics. Just to fill in the empty song without lyrics. He told me it was nice but 'nice' in my dictionary is just barely like not bad. When they say not bad it doesn't actually mean good or bad. Just they don't know what to say and don't wanna hurt someone's feeling. So it wasn't that impressive. Totally.. Yeah! I said that.

Tomorrow, Thrusday. Totally a disaster. Sure Miss Yiak gonna chop my head of with her ruler. I didn't actually do it yet and not even thinking about doing it. Today I was totally lost from others in History and Maths. Tomorrow gonna need to pass up Physic's workbook and impressive! I used invisible pen to do. Not even started yet. Today I stayed up at school until 2 for extra class and waiting for Mr Azlan like half an hour after he arrived. I remember what he told us before this...

'before 2 I wanna see everyone already in my class'

So I wonder. Should we make a rules too... Just joke. Please laugh if its suck. And class started late and also extend for another 30 minute to full-fill the 2 hours lesson because he arrived late. Now I think that's totally........ What's the word already?

Reach back home I start reaching to my computer and switch it on. Then I go took a shower and start web exploring with Mozilla Firefox. Log in to Facebook and start entering my blog. I just realize I received good view from people since I posted a journal. Something like my diary. I also recieced comment too from someone but I wish there are more of them willing to leave me a comment so I could hear peoples' thoughts or maybe their kind words. I'll be posting my daily journal by day if I have the time. And thank you for reading.

Love,
Liz~

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