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March 30, 2010

Love Is My Inspiration

Start up to strum my silent guitar,
Without lyrics it touches my soul,
From the note of F goes C,
Continue to sketch out a beautiful sound,
But have you ever wonder,
How melody leaves a message?

I might be less experience in love but I start up real amazing without even learning or taking tips. I just followed my heart and instict. I believe my heart guides me to a beautiful place where I couldnt count the wall of it ends. I wonder how long my relationship could last but as long as love will always be there heart to heart between one another. I believe we belong to one another to the word of death. I just want her alone and yeah I already have her. But still... I want her in my entire life. Doesn't matter what I'll be facing or taking. I'll make sure my first love will be my last one. And my heart could just fit another heart. No others could replace it. beauty or seduction will never stands for it. Because only she could explain why. Her heart is not just a beauty. Its permanently the glue of my heart remains there. Doesn't matter its a 'teen's high school relationship' but I can tell you. We didn't start of easily. It takes me more than my heart, my pain or gold to win her. Finally with a lots of patient I could be hers. And I won't even let her go far from my heart. If she needs a place, I'll be it. Believe me dear.

I just listened to teachers stories about high school relationship. They all told me that it couldn't last so far. So I start wondering. Will my faith dives to the same place? Or is it gonna be the same for me? I couldn't even have a single feeling to others. Because even a pretty girl couldn't impress my heart. My heart is about romance and loyalty. As a person, as a guy. I won't even left something I already had. When its mine. It takes me death to let it go. I might sound confidant but that's me. Loyalty. I'm weak at hurting her. Every time seeing her smile. Without even she speaks a word. It worth to watch over the night. I'm different and couldn't be compared. Believe me!

Sometime I cried. Those eliminated smile makes tears run down my face. I'm willing to show the world if that could makes her smile. Romance? That's me. Everything is romance. Not just an acting romance to win her heart. Romance remains in my blood. Travels over the vein in my body. She'll be my oxygen that I exhaled and inhaled all the time. She makes me breathe slower and faster. 

I couldn't imagine about what I heard from teacher. I don't wanna admit it was true. Let myself believe in my fantasy. That my first love is my last love. She'll be the only one in my heart. She'll be the butterfly. And she'll be my guardian angel. Cured me away from the pain.

If I could back hug her by now. I won't even wanna let her go. Can I just hold her forever? I smelled her hair. Its the smell of love. You couldn't picture how does it tastes like. Just smile your love's one hair and you'll figure out the answer. 

My love? Is not a game of relationship. Not to be cool or competitive with the others. Not to have the hottest girl stands by my side to achieve popularity. My love is just about us. Nothing involves than a piece of paper note called 'romance'. I never wanna be in relationship before but finally I change my mind because I want her. She's just as silent as shadow. But I live in those shadow and I've seen those light. You couldn't imagine how special she is. Right deep in her heart. There are scars that I fixed. I gave her hope to sketch her smile. Her smile? You might never seen in before. Unless you could ever touch her heart and listen to the beat. It kept changing when I kept my distance close to her. My fingers are locked over hers. My arms over her neck. Her beautiful hair like wind I blow her a kiss. With a lips like a pink rose I could see. How loving person she is. Once you see her.

Her eyes is adorable and with a very sharp view. Its shinning like the morning flare of reflection on my glass window. Her voice is unique. It just one and only. Every time I hear that voice I know its her. She's a great receiver of my love whisper from my heart through my lips. On the touch to her cheek. She blushed over with a positive reaction. Seasons keep changing time by time but the feelings of my heart couldn't even change. It stayed dead to her heart. Leaned by love.

I watch her every time I could. My heart felt fine each time I get to see her. I start miss her the second I didn't see her. Seconds are like minutes. Minutes are like hours. Hours are like years. Maybe not everyone know about this relationship. Let it remains a mystery and known somewhere nearby my side. It doesn't matter if they know. What matter is this relationship is our treasure.

Her sense of touch speaks every words she didn't speak. My touch means a lot more than just a touch. I felt alive to hold her and I felt happy. Every time it gets to lock in her heart I wish time could slower a little bit more. Let me precious everything but I'll be patient. I never gonna be in a rush. What to worry about? She's there for me. Silently unheard like I do. As long as she loves me.

'A relationship starts up with a great way. With a thousands of hard work. It'll be a true love. Believe me~'

Love & heart,
Liz : Here a piece of photograph of love. It couldn't be picture or framed by the view. Its framed by love of two lover.

March 29, 2010

Is It A Friendship?

School?
Seems to be mean and a little more hurts. Since the day I went into a fight. Not a serious fight yet just hurts me deep I couldn't start realizing I deserve to smile towards my shadow. I step in my class. Started to be uninvited by the others. It doesn't matter. If I could remains silence as shadow that would be better I live with my love under everyones' shadow. I'm a sensitive person. I do have feelings too.

Amelia? I don't know. I just wanna let her be the first to know I'm already officially taken for the first time ever but seems like it took her time for me to talk to her. But it doesn't matter. I can't wait that long for her because I have important things to do that day so I could wait any longer. Doesn't matter how mad is she at me. It doesn't matter. Let me be heartless in friendship.

I just trying to be cool and nice. So I got a lot of character in myself. It helps me fit it with anybody and everybody. In fact it seems like need more appreciation. I guess that's what people don't want me to be. Fine I say I rather live under my hood. So I'll step away. I don't need no sympathy or pity because that's how they say a 'friend' to me. It could be he or she. But it doesn't matter. Because sooner or later. I'll live my distance away from you so I'll never annoyed you anymore and I won't be competitive or active. I don't wanna play around together because for somehow the light was cover still by its wall. I try to control myself and I never gonna talk about it. But here is where I started my story from. If you are reading this and felt guilty or its you then please. I guess that 'friend' is no one who ever been here and that 'friend' won't even know if it was about him or her.

More and more again I try to stay in a close distance with my friends. But for somehow one of them just pushed me away insulted me like I got no feelings. My sensitivity is totally at the rate of max. I couldn't even explain why or how but I could say. It really hurts. I'll make it clear. From today I won't annoy or even touch anybody's heart. I'll just make sure I could remain silence and invisible or sooner or later I try to move to the other class. Doesn't matter where but I just wanna stay away from pain and I don't like to be judge or to be watch differently that way. I could bet a thousand bucks on those words are true.

I don't wanna be competitive and I'll walk away. Let me just remains nobody in this friendship or whatever but can you explain what is it like when somebody just fire a rifle to your heart. I tried to be friendly but friendly enough to be friendly fired. Thanks for that. It doesn't matter. I'll be heartless and you are nobody could stands in my fantasy. I'll try whatever I can to stay a far distance between us. I don't want to hurt you or let you hurt me.

On a silent night I cried under my shadow. My small heart wonder why does some certain person judge me that way and treat me like a shit. I swear to God. I'll never gonna give a damn on their feelings after I was stabbed on my heart. But revenge isn't a good thing I know. I rather just give up and let yourself realize. How hurt is it. I can't show you or repay what you did. I just make sure you never get hurt or hurt me. At least that way I'll be invisible and nothing than a cold wind lays on your shadow. I can't be like you and your partner but I just can be the only me and if you don't like it. I can't blame myself for being like this because God created me this way. I wouldn't fakin myself just for you. Not worth it.

As I said like thousands time before. Love always gimme a strength. Even a rapid fire machine gun shot me with thousands of bullets. I'll accept the pain to stand for love. Let love be my bandage of pain and remains in my heart way so far than you expect. It doesn't matter. I could be hurt a thousand times deep or until I'll be facing the surface of death. But when she is over my heart, she'll be the powerful guardian angel in me. And that coukld never change the fact. Love is the sharpest pain but I felt them. Right now all I felt is just living myself in our own fantasy. That would be better. Nobody gonna hates me for doing this or that. Nobody is going to complain about what I said and nobody will ever give a damn on how I look.

Called me a fag? I promise those words that comes out from those dirty mouth towards me will never gonna hurt me outside. Let the inner me felt the pain. Fine. Good people will always receive their prize. I don't have to pay back. I'll just accept those words. I wasn't strong but I'm strong enough to be hurt. And once again friend. See your reflection before you see mine. You don't know me.

'Feeling are no games. Before you rapidly shoot someone with your words. Think before you say. What if those words could be extremely sensitive? What if they will be down and lost in fantasy? Die in reality? Are you gonna regret all those sentences? No! You are not because you just a heartless friend who is being selfish.'

See your reflection before you see mine.

I'm willing to be called a friend,
In no matter how bad you hurt me,
Because Liz,
Could accept you in any condition in any way,
If you realize what I say was right,
I'll be glad,
If you admit I was insulting or telling a fake story,
Then it doesn't matter.

I got my way and you got yours. Enough is enough. I don't hate you I just hate what you did.

Teachers could even be a better friend to me. Even sometimes I didn't totally listen to them but they watched me better than a little kid. and finally

you are not my God to change me.

Love's life?
I could just picture them in a short word. She amazes me always. Heart you dear~

March 27, 2010

23Rd March My First Love, First Kiss

Have you ever seen a girl looks simply different from the others? Have you ever know there is this friends of you who always there protects your heart? Or have you ever seen this girl. Who is a very charming princess of my heart.

On my 16Th birthday it was 5 days away before Valentine. My wish was to have a love within Valentine. That day it was 9Th February and I received a nice pair of lover's key chain from Adilla Fatriyah. She told me to give another to someone you love and I ask a friend of mine to go on a date. She's totally cute and acting real positive when I asked her out so she said yes.

On valentine morning we had a great text together and it was Chinese New Year too. So here is some memories I remember. I felt loved since that day. I never had a girl drops her food for thinking of me. Its totally cute and I was shocked to see the calendar stated there it was Valentine. and I just flashing back my birthday's wish. So I was like, God is listening. Its a sign she's the one.

The next day after Valentine we had a date on the afternoon. Well I was a bit late and she waited almost an hour. Before the date we planned about something to wear. So I start up with my formal wear which I used to wear them everyday and she planned about matching and didn't knew she wouldn't look so amazing in her dress. And guess what. I never seen her wearing dress before like this. So I precious that moment and that look. It'll always play like a film in my mind. Always her smiling that beautiful and amazing.

So we watched movie together, it was Percy Jackson The Lightning Thief. All on me. So to be the guy I paid the ticket because all those money doesn't seems so important to me. I love to spend them for the others especially for a birthday's gift.  In the cinema so sudden a lot of thing happen. That was the time I fight for myself to start my move. I never even touch a girl yet and that time it was totally amazing. It took me almost half an hour to try to hold her hand. From finger slowly I touch one by one. I did this so I could understand whether she'll let me hold or not. Because I was afraid of her pulling her hand away. That moment till I cover over her fingers. I start holding her hand and suddenly she pulls my arm and hug them over her arms. That moment she lean on my shoulder and I could just stayed shut with my heart beating on fire.

Since that day I started to belive she loves me in reply of my heart to her. So I kept out distance close and she gets more comfortable to be in my hold day by days. We even went out for photo shooting together and took our photograph together. Till last Monday it was 23Rd March I started to think about out relationship. So I proposed her. I asked her about making our relationship position and took half an hour for her to gimme an answer. Well then she asked me to repeat the question more specific and direct. So I proposed her and one second really took my breathe away. It was a yes. With my weird expression like I was trying to realize if I was dreaming but as the matter of fact no. Its real. totally. So I made her answered me a second time and a sudden hug and she was my first love. I whispered directed to her ear I love her. By then again, I gave her a backhug and a kiss on her cheek. I never kiss. It felt so....... Special?hard to find the right word. Simply amazing.

I grow up at this school and I know her sincer I was a 5Th grader. I didn't realize she's a butterfly of my heart. I been through a lot of love's shadow. Just hard for me to love another girl and believe I was loved by another. Till Valentine she changed my mind.

And here I stated my first love....

On the month of March,
Monday 23rd.


My love's story?
Isn't like a top class story. Like dating the hottest girl or whatever. This is about how this girl and I felt the same way and have so many things in common. I restored her faith in love by my love. I promise I will always do. Because I heart her dearly. I don't have to be a very hot guy or something that could gets the girls close to me. I just have to be Liz. Liz is not a random guy you will know. I'm way so much different. unique? Weird? Doesn't matter. Romance is my blood. It doesn't matter what they will describe about me but what's more important that letting her felt loved and special? I just want her to feel like living in our own fantasy and it doesn't matter how sweet. I'll make sure it'll always be remember. 

'Everything?
Anything?
What thing?
A lot of things.
Changed.

My first love,
My first kiss,
By my very first date,
It was my very first memory'

Your Love,
Liz~