Is It A Friendship?

School?
Seems to be mean and a little more hurts. Since the day I went into a fight. Not a serious fight yet just hurts me deep I couldn't start realizing I deserve to smile towards my shadow. I step in my class. Started to be uninvited by the others. It doesn't matter. If I could remains silence as shadow that would be better I live with my love under everyones' shadow. I'm a sensitive person. I do have feelings too.

Amelia? I don't know. I just wanna let her be the first to know I'm already officially taken for the first time ever but seems like it took her time for me to talk to her. But it doesn't matter. I can't wait that long for her because I have important things to do that day so I could wait any longer. Doesn't matter how mad is she at me. It doesn't matter. Let me be heartless in friendship.

I just trying to be cool and nice. So I got a lot of character in myself. It helps me fit it with anybody and everybody. In fact it seems like need more appreciation. I guess that's what people don't want me to be. Fine I say I rather live under my hood. So I'll step away. I don't need no sympathy or pity because that's how they say a 'friend' to me. It could be he or she. But it doesn't matter. Because sooner or later. I'll live my distance away from you so I'll never annoyed you anymore and I won't be competitive or active. I don't wanna play around together because for somehow the light was cover still by its wall. I try to control myself and I never gonna talk about it. But here is where I started my story from. If you are reading this and felt guilty or its you then please. I guess that 'friend' is no one who ever been here and that 'friend' won't even know if it was about him or her.

More and more again I try to stay in a close distance with my friends. But for somehow one of them just pushed me away insulted me like I got no feelings. My sensitivity is totally at the rate of max. I couldn't even explain why or how but I could say. It really hurts. I'll make it clear. From today I won't annoy or even touch anybody's heart. I'll just make sure I could remain silence and invisible or sooner or later I try to move to the other class. Doesn't matter where but I just wanna stay away from pain and I don't like to be judge or to be watch differently that way. I could bet a thousand bucks on those words are true.

I don't wanna be competitive and I'll walk away. Let me just remains nobody in this friendship or whatever but can you explain what is it like when somebody just fire a rifle to your heart. I tried to be friendly but friendly enough to be friendly fired. Thanks for that. It doesn't matter. I'll be heartless and you are nobody could stands in my fantasy. I'll try whatever I can to stay a far distance between us. I don't want to hurt you or let you hurt me.

On a silent night I cried under my shadow. My small heart wonder why does some certain person judge me that way and treat me like a shit. I swear to God. I'll never gonna give a damn on their feelings after I was stabbed on my heart. But revenge isn't a good thing I know. I rather just give up and let yourself realize. How hurt is it. I can't show you or repay what you did. I just make sure you never get hurt or hurt me. At least that way I'll be invisible and nothing than a cold wind lays on your shadow. I can't be like you and your partner but I just can be the only me and if you don't like it. I can't blame myself for being like this because God created me this way. I wouldn't fakin myself just for you. Not worth it.

As I said like thousands time before. Love always gimme a strength. Even a rapid fire machine gun shot me with thousands of bullets. I'll accept the pain to stand for love. Let love be my bandage of pain and remains in my heart way so far than you expect. It doesn't matter. I could be hurt a thousand times deep or until I'll be facing the surface of death. But when she is over my heart, she'll be the powerful guardian angel in me. And that coukld never change the fact. Love is the sharpest pain but I felt them. Right now all I felt is just living myself in our own fantasy. That would be better. Nobody gonna hates me for doing this or that. Nobody is going to complain about what I said and nobody will ever give a damn on how I look.

Called me a fag? I promise those words that comes out from those dirty mouth towards me will never gonna hurt me outside. Let the inner me felt the pain. Fine. Good people will always receive their prize. I don't have to pay back. I'll just accept those words. I wasn't strong but I'm strong enough to be hurt. And once again friend. See your reflection before you see mine. You don't know me.

'Feeling are no games. Before you rapidly shoot someone with your words. Think before you say. What if those words could be extremely sensitive? What if they will be down and lost in fantasy? Die in reality? Are you gonna regret all those sentences? No! You are not because you just a heartless friend who is being selfish.'

See your reflection before you see mine.

I'm willing to be called a friend,
In no matter how bad you hurt me,
Because Liz,
Could accept you in any condition in any way,
If you realize what I say was right,
I'll be glad,
If you admit I was insulting or telling a fake story,
Then it doesn't matter.

I got my way and you got yours. Enough is enough. I don't hate you I just hate what you did.

Teachers could even be a better friend to me. Even sometimes I didn't totally listen to them but they watched me better than a little kid. and finally

you are not my God to change me.

Love's life?
I could just picture them in a short word. She amazes me always. Heart you dear~