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April 25, 2010

Sunday's Road

I woke up early at 8,
Finally today seems a lot cold,
And quiet from all those noise,
Those bikes and also those fights,
Around the street,
Gosh I hate it.

Today lot more better. An opening of the day and finally I can take a break from work and shits. Damn. Totally locked and finally free once again and for a while I'll be going to be in those cage where there is no way out and dear, I miss you so much.

Sunday?
Isn't my favorite day. I don't quite like Sunday or even Saturday because I'll be staying at home. Seriously I'm not that free person. Plus, I got no ride or anything and no friend asking me out. How I wish I could spend my weekday at the park or beach. My favorite day is Monday and Friday. Monday there is a lot of entertaining on TV called 'Monday night laugh and Friday I there is a Friday's prayer in my religion where I could clear my mind and calm myself down.

Sometime Sunday is the best day. Early morning I could listen to the birds singing and beautiful morning view. People wake up late here. Mostly.. Well I use wake up very early on the morning and sit at my house's balcony. Take a break there and enjoy the freshing air and cold wind. Singing birds. And its been a while I didn't post poem so I hope you all will like it.

'Sunday morning,
A guitar to play on,
A song to sing with,
A day to breath free.

Singing birds,
Cute couple and group,
Over the sky flying around,
Over the street of my town.

Gaze upon the sky,
Kiss the wind of love,
Touch over our skin,
Where a felt of hold occur.

The eyes of my heart,
Can't see what's beauty,
Over the mask of a person,
But I just saw,
An angel...
Belongs to me.

I dream of us,
Living in our fantasy,
I saw a blind future,
True or not?
I could just pray it'll come true.

The silent typewriter,
Cry out a silence tears,
Unheard and shut,
From its emotion.

Insatiable thoughts,
A desolate sky,
Rain shall be fall,
It'll touch the ground.

The time couldn't stop working,
As if there is a miles of journey,
Pause there is second I'll be happier,
How I wish I could stop the time.

Can you here?
There is a song played in my heart.
Can you smell?
The fragrance over your neck.

My soul stay asleep,
I could feel your absence,
I miss you over my days,
And I love you over my life.'

April 18, 2010

Kids, Some Certain Thing You Need To Know~

For my younger friends,
Friendship is like a fantastic person to be with. To have fun with. To play with. Here is the thing you need to know. Someday when you all gets older and older you'll see how sensitive they and you yourself will become. Jealousy? Sort of. Fight? Sure things. In this world I learned that there are like limited place or room for a big friendship. Maybe only couple of them could fit in. Maybe right now we use to be with our 30 best friends but look around. How many are there remains to stay? I myself have like hundreds of them. Right now I feel like I only have a couple of them.


Dear friends, No offense. 

Sometime I try to talk with some of them. I really want to share something really fantastic I ever felt or something real sad I wanna cry with but then I found that just... It means nothing. I felt like I'm one of the abandon one from the group so I started to stay a distance. Even with my stepsister.. Milya, sorry Milya. How I always wish she could replaces my past one. However, she doesn't deserve the seat. No one could replace it. But no worry, I have someone else who I trust much. Love could understand me better than being in this position.

Ain't that pathetic and selfish? Well yeah I am.

Maybe all this thing I'll never have it. However, I guess that's important too. So I won't be bully anymore. I'll keep on standing the only way I can. I don't need some hand. They are just wasn't sincere enough. I'm sorry.

Mum always said,
'Never trust someone too much because some certain things, just wasn't fervently nice as their deeds.'

And again I'm sorry.
Still think that it sounds selfish? Can you count my apologize? How many are they? And do you ever say one?

I'm weak and sensitive. Now that I got myself here I start to be competitive. Of course. Even you yourself right now. Be honest... I know. You can just put the blame on me. Yes everything about me. I don't wanna win in this battle. Push me aside and stand for yourself. I'll just tap out and surrender. I'll just state here all you say about me is always right... You are always right.. And all my facts are wrong. Well I agree with you. Then you win everything. Why would you wanna compete against me again? Want me to suffer in tears. I already am. Want me to die? Well you should know I'm not stupid to listen. You are not my lord to give me order. Didn't you learn that?

What kind of friend like this?
I wonder...
Maybe I was stupid. Not to judge someone properly. Fine. Say anything. I don't need friend like this.

I lost my way without them.
Enough is enough. I say that in a pathetic.

I just fervently say,
You are still a friend.

They start to be nice in front of me. But at the back? I could just remain silence and stay out of business. I can't change anyone thoughts. I just can live in my own fantasy.

April 17, 2010

April Is So Not Cool

Things?Its been awhile I didn't text her. Totally gone too many hands on works and activities at school. Not even a chance to take a break. I'm exhaust and tired. I didn't sleep for couple of days last Tuesday and Wednesday. Finally I could take a break while checking my phone. Waiting for her to text me while staring at Additional Mathematic's books. Too many things haven't complete. Fuck all. Subjects today? God! Its Saturday. P.S. I miss you dear~

Friends?
If only I could stay a bit longer I might understand but if I stay long. I might already hurts someone from their front. I rather just keep a distance even I might look selfish. I rather be known as any shit but I still think the same way. I'm avoiding all that from happening. Get on the bus lets take a trip. Gone nowhere than here.

Life?
I'm completely clueless and feeling like my soul has gone somewhere else. Where are all those sweet words from my great friends? Are they even miss me in this distance so far? My phone are filled with empty text from them. Where are you all now and how you guys doing lately? I'm sort of lost and you guys are like the heart for me to think. Now I've been loosing myself and walking in love. It gave me a strength but I can't think the same way as you guys anymore. Well yeah, I guess I was replaced by somebody else. Which might be better person than me. But don't worry about me. I still can live here alone with my dearest love. She's always there to light my days. However, I still looking forward to hang out with you all again. Still remember?

Music & Love?
Have you ever hear me play guitar before? I would be boo by now if I play the same way again. Till this year I was amazed by my girlfriend and I started to strum better and plug better until I get to play like this. I called it, the melody inspired by love.

School?
Always some piece of shit where I couldn't miss from stepping. Horrible. Ain't that pathetic? At school I couldn't learn to think but I was controlled from thinking by the school. They help me to think. Wasn't helpful at all. Why must they take my life away? Why I can't live like how I used too? Why do I have to listen to them? Why can't I just be myself? and why do they want me to be what they always wanted? Why why why? Why should I? Why must I? There are like hundreds of why in my mind. I had enough and just leave my life alone before you get to see me in a different way. You will never know how I can curse your life. Leave my life alone. Gimme a break from rules. I'm totally pathetic already. Thank you in a polite way!

Liz?
I'm tired and clueless of thinking. What should I do now? There this noisy mind couldn't stay quiet. May I just go break the wall of stress? Why is there so many work haven't done and why must all done at a time? I caught fever almost a weak already. Now I'm feeling better and better. Actually, not literally... I'm getting more tired of works and already kick all of them like trash. Still my responsible right? I will complete it... How stupid. Don't blame me for saying this but I felt like a dog taking order from its person. How stupid am I? Don't have to be sorry because I'm a heartless dog to you. Fine. I won't take a break and do whatever you ask. But if I couldn't give a great quality just shut up and don't complain. I wish I could be the best for you but all things I do always wrong and a waste of time in your eyes. Yeah, totally idiot. I fervently say this.

April?
I guess there is no time for me to think too. I was captured deep in this darkness over my own shadow. Where is the way to get out? My responsible. I can't even stay out of trouble. Because I was shut down by this hole of breathless note. Where is my wings?

Dear,
You don't have to worry much about all this. I didn't start it all but I wanna stop it. There is no way to stop it. Can't be stop. They are the control device to stop it. No way they wanna stop that way and think broadly. How unfair is that? or whatever. Love you much and I just can't wait for June holiday's break. Just us living on grass with cold wind and beautiful sun light. How fantastic is that? All those shit walk away and just us and our friends that been so nice for us. 

Photograph?
I lost my inspiration from school, teachers and works. How can I take nice photograph again? They ruin my inspiration. I'm tired because of works... Too many. See my eyes. They are red in color and totally blur in motion. I can barely stay awake but fall by the time when lesson going on.

Popularity?
Nothing much important. Its completely useless. I don't need them anymore. Wasn't helpful at all.

April 11, 2010

Tears and Raindrops

Today wasn't a great day. Yesterday seems to be okay. I cried a lot for thinking the past and sharing my past with someone. I'm missing those who are important that wasn't by my side anymore and I'm sad about the time that we had left. Its already April but when I look on the calendar. Its like tomorrow gotta be a waster of day. What the hell is up? Lately , recently.. Where are all those people who could touch my heart and understand me well? Someone who care much about me while I don't care about them before. I could appreciate them long just that time seems extremely short. 

Friends? I wonder who else could listen to me better than any other. I'm glad there is someone I really love could give me legs to stand on. She's better than anything. Her heart is an angel. She's there when I need her. Someone to wipe my tears away.

People? What's so bad about someone's look? I got this friend I used to play with or bully on. He doesn't even care of it because it makes him felt like he got friends. But what kind of friend am I? Is he so bad? I couldn't appreciate friend much that's why I stay away from some certain people. I rather let myself hurt than leaving a scar on someone's heart. 

Fervently I say,
'Why would people care about me for being some piece of shit. I should have been hate or worse. But you guys are just better than a friend. I should have appreciate you all better than before. Just where are you all now? I didn't get the chance to thank you. Just a sad goodbye that bows in tears.'


Why can't just we open our eyes and gaze over the pages of their looks. Couldn't I just accept how he or she was? He's a person. She's a person too. Why can't people just give them a break and try to be in their place. Can we face it? Can we feel it? Can we understand? Even if they bleed in tears, their heart is wanting the thing they always wanted. DEATH. Wouldn't it'll be better if not perfect person could just leave the world on the world and leave perfect people? But it doesn't even make any sense. Nobody is perfect. We are all still a person. Got feelings.

Teachers?
Sometime I just hate teachers. Lately, recently... Honestly I said some certain teachers are really busybody. When I started posting picture or diary openly for everyone to have a view without even care what will they dig out from the information in the picture. Why can't they just leave it there and don't take any action or expectation from it. Don't make me hate it.I tried to be socially and nice to every teachers. To me they are more than a teacher. They are my best friends. Someone for me to talk and learn to grow up with but not to take advantage on me. I felt like I was used. Actually yes I am. I'm so stupid and young. Maybe soon I'll eliminate teachers as a friend. Just nothing more than a teacher. Please don't make me do so. I need my own privacy and I don't wanna hide everything from your eyes or else? I'll just eliminate you all from the internet or my page. Don't make me do it. Leave me live here as whatever I am. Called me stupid, against rules or idiot or whatever. Here I fervently say......


'I might seems immature.. Like what Miss Yiak said. Yes its true but she's a very nice person. I just hate her for saying it but she's a teacher and older than me. I accept and believe her word. I'm just naive. 16 years old. A decade away from teacher.'

I know I'm still a student but why can't I just act the way I am? Is school a place to help me think their way? I wasn't even allowed to think and live my own way. Rules are just fucking idiot. What the hell with it. Following rules sometime makes me felt like I'm a dog that obey to its man. I know school don't have the right to change them. Just I found its stupid I listened to a teacher who teaches me how to look and kept appearance clean. But do they know that my own appearance and look could give me more confidant to socialize with others? To make friends? To be more confidant in front mirror?...

Early Sunday, no birds are singing. Just me pale blue cloud and silent insects. Rain is gonna fall or not? The weather isn't okay? Just like my heart.

'Gaze upon those sparkling stars. Over mirrors of war there shall be no curtain fall. Over your midst journey of finding self. Over those journey you'll figure better than an answer. Just don't walk backward but forward. be the one you can. Gaze hardly into  a scenery taken beyond the lens. Truth seen from the eyes of our heart. Barely. Until another dawn.'