Tears and Raindrops

Today wasn't a great day. Yesterday seems to be okay. I cried a lot for thinking the past and sharing my past with someone. I'm missing those who are important that wasn't by my side anymore and I'm sad about the time that we had left. Its already April but when I look on the calendar. Its like tomorrow gotta be a waster of day. What the hell is up? Lately , recently.. Where are all those people who could touch my heart and understand me well? Someone who care much about me while I don't care about them before. I could appreciate them long just that time seems extremely short. 

Friends? I wonder who else could listen to me better than any other. I'm glad there is someone I really love could give me legs to stand on. She's better than anything. Her heart is an angel. She's there when I need her. Someone to wipe my tears away.

People? What's so bad about someone's look? I got this friend I used to play with or bully on. He doesn't even care of it because it makes him felt like he got friends. But what kind of friend am I? Is he so bad? I couldn't appreciate friend much that's why I stay away from some certain people. I rather let myself hurt than leaving a scar on someone's heart. 

Fervently I say,
'Why would people care about me for being some piece of shit. I should have been hate or worse. But you guys are just better than a friend. I should have appreciate you all better than before. Just where are you all now? I didn't get the chance to thank you. Just a sad goodbye that bows in tears.'


Why can't just we open our eyes and gaze over the pages of their looks. Couldn't I just accept how he or she was? He's a person. She's a person too. Why can't people just give them a break and try to be in their place. Can we face it? Can we feel it? Can we understand? Even if they bleed in tears, their heart is wanting the thing they always wanted. DEATH. Wouldn't it'll be better if not perfect person could just leave the world on the world and leave perfect people? But it doesn't even make any sense. Nobody is perfect. We are all still a person. Got feelings.

Teachers?
Sometime I just hate teachers. Lately, recently... Honestly I said some certain teachers are really busybody. When I started posting picture or diary openly for everyone to have a view without even care what will they dig out from the information in the picture. Why can't they just leave it there and don't take any action or expectation from it. Don't make me hate it.I tried to be socially and nice to every teachers. To me they are more than a teacher. They are my best friends. Someone for me to talk and learn to grow up with but not to take advantage on me. I felt like I was used. Actually yes I am. I'm so stupid and young. Maybe soon I'll eliminate teachers as a friend. Just nothing more than a teacher. Please don't make me do so. I need my own privacy and I don't wanna hide everything from your eyes or else? I'll just eliminate you all from the internet or my page. Don't make me do it. Leave me live here as whatever I am. Called me stupid, against rules or idiot or whatever. Here I fervently say......


'I might seems immature.. Like what Miss Yiak said. Yes its true but she's a very nice person. I just hate her for saying it but she's a teacher and older than me. I accept and believe her word. I'm just naive. 16 years old. A decade away from teacher.'

I know I'm still a student but why can't I just act the way I am? Is school a place to help me think their way? I wasn't even allowed to think and live my own way. Rules are just fucking idiot. What the hell with it. Following rules sometime makes me felt like I'm a dog that obey to its man. I know school don't have the right to change them. Just I found its stupid I listened to a teacher who teaches me how to look and kept appearance clean. But do they know that my own appearance and look could give me more confidant to socialize with others? To make friends? To be more confidant in front mirror?...

Early Sunday, no birds are singing. Just me pale blue cloud and silent insects. Rain is gonna fall or not? The weather isn't okay? Just like my heart.

'Gaze upon those sparkling stars. Over mirrors of war there shall be no curtain fall. Over your midst journey of finding self. Over those journey you'll figure better than an answer. Just don't walk backward but forward. be the one you can. Gaze hardly into  a scenery taken beyond the lens. Truth seen from the eyes of our heart. Barely. Until another dawn.'