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September 29, 2012

Is It Just Coincidence?

I hate a very rough day today... It was really harsh...
I'm all alone right now in my own world all the time..
I am a really sad person and I really hope I will find love again...

Earlier tonight I was walking alone. I had a very long walk. Before I begin, I make myself a reason to walk. So I look up at the sky, its almost full moon today. It might sound crazy but I had decided to chase after the moon. My leg is totally painful right now but I still find it worth every steps for me.

I took hours of walking to chase after the moon. It was about 4 or 5 km I guess? I'm really suck at measurement so please understand. During the time that I chase the moon, I was looking for direction and on the journey, I had gone through lots of places. It was interesting but dark at night. Some seems a little bit boring but I love being by the waterfront. So I walk and walk, I felt lonely but it felt like I'm exist in my own world. And I was talking alone. To be honest, I wanted to fall in love again. I lost interest toward people already. Slowly I love the attention from guys but that won't make me love guys. I'm a straight person.

So when I went to a location which was pretty close under the moon, the moon gotten darker and when I couldn't see it, I stopped and see where I ended up. It was somewhere at a restaurant. I was very surprised that I found someone there. Was it just coincidence? I would be very sad if it was just a coincidence... Or is it a sign? I felt quite happy when I saw that girl over there. Thinking of the possibility, I think that girl is the only one I can fall in love again. But that very depend too. However, I wish I could get to know that girl. I wish she could recover me from a fallen ground...

I just lost someone I really love... I will take it as a lesson but I will let it be the strength for me to move on with hatred. I can live with the statement but whatever it is, its not a fact so I do know Allah is there to understands how I felt. That's what matter more to me. And I wish someday the girl that I met today, is my future. I wish it ends there like where I had stopped chasing the moon. But I felt like I'm being ignored too. Love is really complicated and harsh. But I will take what Yume stated to me. Yume is my stepmother to me. She said that the person doesn't deserve me no matter who's wrong. I now understand some part of it already but I do wish I could fall in love again and found back my stolen smiles. Maybe even a better smile.

Dear Allah, if you hear my prayer, I wish you could give me a sign or maybe help me overcome this. From now on, I will start my day with bismillah.

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