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September 27, 2012

September don't Need Me

It almost end... I would love it better if someone could wake me up when September ends. I wanna skip time and pick up every pieces of me. Right now, I don't care about sympathy or pity. There isn't one exist in this world. I've been treated all the time and lost in my own battle. From now own, when October is done, I will walk on October Road. Its a new life to start with and it is just an opening. Forget the heartless pain Liz. Its nothing much right? Why would I care about such a thing who don't bother how I felt.

Here I am today, on a piece of paper writing another piece of note. Hey, it had been years now. I wonder if these notes even actually being read? Well, it don't matter to me as long as one day my wish will come true. Right now, after the end of September, I will come to October with full of confident and hatred inside of me. I'm a man with the heart of a women that nobody ever sees that. But it don't matter to me. I believe I could stand up and pick bag every pieces of me from the first chapter til today. I had stop writing for awhile now... My words really dried. I don't find the adventure but I'm lost in a deep empty river. So what if its true? I'm fucked up. I'm screwed. Laugh out loud all you want I don't give a damn. I will be something big.

Someday, I'll pick up my broken bodies, my heart and that includes my smile. I'll learn to smile by my own even if I don't feel needed. Today is my worst day of my life. Wait, September screws me up. I'm not happy. I dream of a world full of destruction. But slowly, I wanna forget my dream, I wanna forget myself. I wanna learn to love myself and learn to appreciate it. I wanna start finding the truth of the world in religion, when I found one, "let human be blame"...

As the matter of fact, it don't matter what I will be. I just wanna feel needed and important. I just wanna have a pair of wings to fly. All I want is a world full of freedom without gravity. To be honest, slowly I'm forgetting that dream. I just want to find a reason for me to live for another day.

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