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September 26, 2012

September's Cracked Crystal

"I dream of freedom without sins..." 

I had been thinking a lot lately. I'm not a very valiant person but I have to be one. Its really ironic how the other side of me, Valentine is a very strong person while the reality of me is all attached to her but stabbed by myself. I hate the reality. Valentine is very brave and strong. When I look at myself, I'm stuck to move on. I'm all attach to the law of life that I hate the most, gravity. Which is the law I had been struggling to break it.

Ever since that I got here, a new place to live and study, I thought this is the best part and a very new chapter... However, its a total mess right now and I'm screwed. Looking at myself from my mirror, I see myself as the most pathetic person. A person standing in tears. In my life, I have to live by knowing. What makes it good at knowing when you know your future is the hardest fact you can never accept. Yeah, that's right. I'm talking about me right now, the person in the future that will hardly grow up and even walk. I had been ignoring it and pretend to not knowing it but it happened to haunt me back. What more now I'm living with a fact the one that I love is the one I'll lost. Please God I ask, could you help me out?

Will there be an angel to take me to the horizon and forget reality? Will there be a hand of hope to pick me so I wouldn't be falling too deep? Will I find a guide or some sort of light that wasn't supposed to be there?

In my dream, I reach out the sky and fight for everything. It was worth every liters of my blood. However, when I woke up, everything is gone. I hate it so much. I'm always on my own world... Everything that I worked on had washed out that easy.

I wore glasses today. I felt a little bit new today but I'm hiding my expression behind a lonely glasses. I'm acting innocent. Wearing glasses made me look a little bit nice but people couldn't see my real expression. Its okay, I'm hiding my smile.

Right now I'm stuck with assignment. I wanna escape from my tears and pain. For now, I wish I could find a reason to move on and smile with it. I wish I will find my freedom and happiness one day even it wasn't supposed to be there. It doesn't matter because I believe that no matter how much the obstacle or lack of hope there is, I believe I can still live with my own blood even I'm full of hatred.

Waking up from a dream last night, maybe that's a sign of the future. I'm afraid to die alone... If my dream are true, please... Change reality. It felt like everything I had or couldn't have, no matter what it is, I'm pretty sure things will be gone. I'm such an unlucky person.

"I dream of freedom without sins..."

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