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October 12, 2012

A Love Story Book, Final Chapter "My Feathers Were Colorful"

Before I get to step by my foots today, I been through a million miles of journey from years through years. Until today, I had finally found myself, crying again with lots of tears like before. I feel happy when all this tears came. I feel like I still have a remaining heart exist inside of me. Right here, I put my final piece of heart into my book and I end my chapter here today. A new chapter doesn't deserves to be in this book because this book only meant for both of us from the very first start. So I wanna close that book right now with my final chapter of it.

"My Feathers Were Colorful"

Remembering my memory, from year 2007 of where we first met. I had found her there from a spot where no one would ever notice me watching her. She was the only angel of my life which I could see her with a pair of wings where nobody would ever realize, how lovely she was. However, this love doesn't has an opening for me so I had grew up without her loving me back. From that opening, I made myself written as a warrior in my life. Fighting to find a light of love and I had always work harder and harder to believe in that possibilities. But, I had fallen deep down inside and fell on my gravity. What am I? I don't feel my existence here on this earth.

I never give up on hoping. In fact, every moment that I had lost my hopes, I found another from the other days which it wasn't supposed to be there. I dreamed of us, in my own life, in my own world, as Valentine or Liz. It don't matter which but the completion of my life there, is that angel of my life. Wearing a very beautiful white dress which is very soft and silky and flows perfectly with her body. She tied her hair in a very gorgeous ways and there is a white feather on her hair. From that dream there, I found my life to live for. Each day I live with a hope to be there again to meet her. And we met quite a few times on the same spot. My life felt complete and I slowly learned to smile from there, which inspired me to write. Everyday, writing had become my routine and oxygen. So I also wrote diaries and notes of my life. Ever thought and feelings I had I wrote them down.

"I grew up with hatred..."

Reality always kills me alive. I had never been friendly enough with reality. Every moment that I woke up from my sleep, my life had become hopeless. Somehow I find the dream is just a fake hope. I felt like the biggest fool in this world. I wanna destroy this world.

"I don't believe much in miracles but I believe in possibilities."

After all, I felt my life was empty and meaningless until my 15th birthday, one of my wish came true. I met her and we started to have deeper feeling on Valentine. To me, it was the greatest birthday gift that God had ever gave me. My life had change. I became stronger and each day that I wake up, I look forward to see her or to hear from her. From that moment I found a direction, I could define love then with thousands of pages unstoppable until I reach my death. My life had a meaning, I was so happy.

"My life felt complete, there's no empty space and the thoughts in my head are waltzing."

I learned the color of the sky that she had taught me what it told you. She showed me the stars where she had seen from her dreams and the meaning of it. And I showed her the moon that I love to stare. However, we were always there to watch the blue sky we love the most. We both share the same dream and I had always dream to stand somewhere really tall against the gravity of the earth that I could touch the sky. We hold our hands together like we will never ever be separated by anything and when I hugged you, I gave you a pair of wings to cover you and protect you from anything. The most important thing is that I had always came up with something to remind you, how much I love you everyday.

"I wrote pages of notes with loves..."

There was never a day that I could forget her and there was never a time I don't love her. She remains there inside my heart. I treasured her from my youth until the day we went to college together.

"My words turned dry..."

On our historical September, I encounter something. My lips, my words, they went dry until today. I can't write or speak like how I used to... My life, I lost my direction, it becomes pointless. My love, is gone because of rules of life. I hate this life I stated it clearly. Fuck that I had said more than enough I guess...

Right now, my heart is empty like a working machine. I felt like a zombie except I do have some feelings remained but slowly, more of it collides. My life had end up here but I still believe there will be a world where maybe we both might meet again and our life will be better there.

"I am no longer a prince, I'm just a fallen warrior."

I...
Lost my words.

The only story of our life, it remains somewhere inside of me. I had locked it to protect it. That's all I had left from you that I treasured. That's all I had left in my life that gave me a lot of meaning. I had nothing left other than this. I don't pray for a hope anymore and I had stop believe in faith. My tears had stop too and I couldn't cry anymore.

This body of mine here, is just like a robot.

How pathetic but that's the reality of me. I will blame this life forever and I hate it forever. Luck or hope don't stand for me.

"The butterfly you sketched me before,
It has colorful wings,
The colors then mixed,
Everything went black and I die...

I fall into somewhere really dark and deep.

I never believe the rain echoes today,
I don't find the flower waltzing through that...
What is life when the light was hidden beneath the sea,
Beyond the bottom of gravity.

The cloud was not here today.

However,

There is always a key to believe in."

And I close this book here and lock it. This is our story and it remains inside our memories.
Let it leads us to the day after tomorrow.
And no matter what,
I never regret anything.

There was no other feather as beautiful as yours,
However, the others could fly and it doesn't matter.
I love it stays on you.

And my missing feather was with you,
That's why I can only fly when I'm with you.

Just for you,
Jennifer