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November 29, 2012

A New Chapter of My Life

When I look at her,
I just realize the lack of possibilities to reach her out.
Just like some stuff that I wanted, rings, necklace, jackets and knives...
I just don't have the money to get what I wanted so I'm falling down,
Hopelessly hoping.

But then today I found the full moon, after a long walk I spent...
At first it was so dark that I almost given up hope.
Hours of walking then I found that full moon.
Brightly appears smiling at me.

That I just realize,
Maybe what it takes in this life is time.
Everything and every single part of me too.

Right now, for what happened in the past.
I accept the way it is and I believe it ended here.
From such a beautiful story and it has to end up this way.
But I will remember to look at that sky,
Seeking out the memories.

I'll learn from there.

I met many friends here in a new place in such limited time.
I'm happy. Right now, I dare to say it out.
I have many groups of friends.

Hanging out together, spending time together that I didn't realize the sun rises already.

However,
That's what youth was all about.

To cry, to laugh, to smile, to grow crazy, to fall in love and to learn everything.

Right there from the spot where I found that moon,
I would say,
Maybe not for today.
But perhaps someday,
I would be able to reach out what I want,
And instead of looking at it and waiting for God to send us miracle.
Let's do something about it.

Like for the rings,
Before you ring it over your finger,
Go through a big journey of getting it.
Sure I'll be ringed with honor and meanings.

So I'm working on my life,
To go on and remember to breath.

God had given me the beautiful sight of life,
And its a sign that had spoken to me for ages.
Right now I'm not giving up hope to find another hope.

I know who I am better than anyone could ever did and from such friendships of life,
I've learned so much that I know how far could I be and I believe,
That whatever we do,
Never forget to enjoy your life and smile.

Because those smiles keep you stronger than ever.

Life had change ever since these two months of my gone.
But I accept it as a goner.
Step up, pick up my sword,
And fight,
Valentine.

Love,
I found it inside of her.

My studies,
I made it the best. And my lecturers are proud of me.
I'm very happy and full of support.
I've done my best and nothing distract me.
So I believe my wings and potentials.
Whenever I thought of falling down,
Right now,
I could only thought of,
Who would push me up?

Whoever it will be,
I'm sure they are my friends, my groups and my lecturers.

And her up there on that beautiful blue sky,
I'll reach her out.
I don't know the future and possibilities,
Even I'm lack of time,
I still wanna believe in it and I'll fly just a bit more higher.

I will try my best!
Work harder and instead of focusing on our problems,
Let's focus more on the solution and the future that is beyond our expectation.

November 20, 2012

Pursuing My True Self

Pursuing my true self...

In such a pathetic and lonely life of mine...
Even if she's not there to listen or read what I said here on pieces of notes.
Desperately, I'm trying reach her.
Maybe there are some obstacles to stop me or there are some distractions that avoids me.
I lost every chances to reach out and I have lost my faith in love.
What would it'll be like if we both could be together.
Thinking of the possibilities,
I got freak out.

I play for her a sweet soft melody inside my heart,
Where it was the last piece of me that I had left.
The other part of me were harden dead.
I've locked myself with my hatred, I'm defeated.
I lost in this game of life and I said,
Game over, God.

I wanna quit.

I wanna fade..

I wanna disappear...

I wanna destroy everyone who came into my ways.....

Whether they were my friends or someone closer or what-so-ever.
I swear as long as they never leave my life alone, and they have ruined it.
I would pay the price for them and show them why they never shall mess with me.

However,
I placed my heart here,
For my last breathe with love....
I'm gonna fade away, from the reality of me.
I'm gonna run away from my own fact, life and even my feeling.
If everyone wanted to see me destroy,
I would but someday I would be better than anyone else.

And I swear,
Those people will live in misery.

My last part of me,
Had given chance to love.
Finally, I could have falling in love again but its falling apart too.

My sky, where memories were treasured.
I wanted to pull it down and watch the sky collides.
I wanna cover it with layers of ice...
Let it melts to the heaviest rain ever.
I wanted to see this world cry just like how much I did.

It was amazing I could smile to cover everything.
I'm willing to smile for her too.

However,
I had traveled on this journey,
Got nowhere to go and I've come to an end.

I decided to keep myself like a doll, statue or something similar.
I don't wanna show my feelings again because its wasted.
I don't wanna take things personal again,
Because it was forgotten and invisible.

In a love story,
I couldn't believe I am the prince.
Do I even exist in such dream?
I'm willing to be an angel,
Widely giving my arms,
Spread widely that it became wings to cover her.

As long as I could have had the chance to do so,
I will go on that field of love.

TO BATTLE,
to fight where my blood would stained on this piece of note.
Exactly,
Just like my emotion.

And that's where my chapters were cursed and covered.
Look at me and see my feelings.
And there's this only part left needing her love...

Weakly whispering...

Like a flow of melodies.

My melody of love & live.

I wanna be in that story of hers, in that life where I could never felt invisible.
I don't wanna care about where I came from or how was I.

If she could open her heart and bring me into that chapter,
Whenever it would be,
I wanted to put my blood inside to wait for that opportunity.
I wanted to believe in it again.

I wanted to live on with a new hope of love.

And I put my hands together praying to you God,
You have seen the reality of me,
The side and truth where no one could ever see.
I do believe this isn't what I deserve so I pray to you God,
Give me your light.

"As long as we believe in Allah,
Whatever words people would say or describe you,
Just remember,
Allah knows everything.
The truth remains with Him and as long as we kept believe in it,
Allah will leads you."

Forget what people or anybody said,
I know where I've gone wrong or right.
Even God knows it.
I don't have to waste my saliva to convince those one sided people.