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December 20, 2012

A Hero, Somewhere From The Heart

My name is Liz. I can never mention myself as simple because there isn't anything simple about me or my life. It's very complicated and I had been screaming to the top of my lung. I'm broken, into pieces that was impossible to be counted. I'm bleeding... My feelings, my emotion and my mentality. I kept catching those broken pieces of mine but they are as tiny as dust. I could never get to catch them all.

Am I giving up into this life that I call shit? Am I giving up to my biggest enemy who is despair?

I can feel it, my heart is burning. Telling myself I am still a hero for myself, my own pathetic world that no one would give a damn toward it. However, I hold onto it. That's all I could do. Who would be there to look into my life and knowing the obstacles I'm facing. This whole damn world is just as obsess of who's the best or who's having sex. It doesn't matter to me.

Hero, I'm certain...

I had gave up recently towards saving hope of my life. However, today, I stood up again. And I've learned a very important part of me today, I was never dead to fight but I will fight until I bleed for the last I would. I wouldn't be Liz for nothing if I'm not Liz. Liz I knew until now is a person who tries with lots of hope. He failed but he never gives up to find a way to retry. That is me right now, finding a sword for my own, to battle and maybe I couldn't be a real hero.

However,

Somewhere I've learned, before a hero save someone life, he must be able to save his. So I look at this pair of hand of mine, that I had been using for so long. And this heart, it still there to have feeling. That pieces of my heart, I've learned it as a deletion. Where to eliminate negativity and grow up. It's only the matter of time and it is also part of growing up. So I wouldn't mind crying over and over again but I swear, I will keep going to achieve my target to break the law of gravity, and to crush my enemies real good. Who are my enemies? Despair!I will never give in to you so I would fight and fight with the energy I had. Even if I ran out of it, I knew somewhere or somehow I would have friends to supply me with the hand of hope, giving me spirits to boost the limitation of the impossible.

From that point, I've seen my "Arcana".

"La fool, infinite". Maybe I'm not the pure holder of it but I carries an infinite numbers of possibilities and I could reach my own gravity without giving up. Be stronger!

Here I am with a reason to fight. I thought I had lost my dreams and faith. But hey, I never forget to reach out to the horizon and be the ultimate hero.

That's what an Aquarius is right? To live with its bottle for its shape, so I'm shapeless and I would never stay trapped and give in to despair.

Fight harder. All that it takes is myself and my heart. I have no one to share these tears on my eyes with but I still have this sword to stand up, and be a hero.

LIZ stands for Life, Ink and Zero. 3 very important things in my life.

December 10, 2012

The Beauty Of An Aquarius

Tears? They are some form of liquids right? Which is also categorized with water.

I couldn't differentiate whether I'm happy or sad. All that I could see right now is I'm currently healing. However, I could never escape from pain. It has been a very burden magnet of my life. Last September, I was broken into pieces. Until today I'm trying to reassemble myself but there are some pieces of me that had really destroyed. In my life as a technician, I believe I could find solution in many ways even in such desperate attempt. However, a broken heart, is something we could never fix it.

I can hear it, in my heart, its cracking.

Looking at myself in the mirror and my lips were spelling out the letter 'H', 'E', 'R' and 'O'.

Hero.

I was never a hero in anyone life but I know somewhere deep down inside my heart. I am one because right now, I'm fighting with my own pain and shadow. I'm fighting with a smile that I hold onto.

And I met Jennifer,

I wanted to smile at her hoping that she could see my 'message' from my eyes. But I guess I'm a silent hero here. But it doesn't matter. I know the consequences and I had been ready for it.
Deep down inside my heart, nothing ever change because I always love her. We've gone through a very hard time together and believe me, I was there to hold onto the same pain. I have change for a very good reason. I would never say it but that remains our business between God and I. Lacus Cylne once again had appeared in my slept last September and she brought me to my underworld. I saw the memories of our first kiss, we were about to kiss but the world cracks and same goes to my heart. I could hear it. Then, things get worse so I've seen my future so I cried awake. That was the biggest chance in my life and that was the moment I've grown up and made a very cruel decision. There, I could only whisper two letter words for her, "I'm sorry". I've decided not to fall into despair. I made up my mind and I would save her from somewhere only God knows. I always look up that beautiful sky which reflects her. Nothing is more beautiful than her and I can only call her name out because I never declare this separation. She remains in my heart for as long as memories last.

It's very true that my heart is rusted and I've been crying all by myself. And there I realize another part of a hero, sacrifice. It will leads to misjudge but it doesn't a matter. A real friend will respect my decision rather than misjudge me by feelings. In my dream, I reached out that sky with her.

Here I am too, growing up. Its only the matter of time. I wanna keep protect every importance but there were time you just couldn't. That's why a hero has its weakness. A hero never is perfect.

And I keep smiling everyday for every person I've created a bond with. They were the strength that keeps me stronger. "Bonds of people are the true power". With all the energy I have left, I wanted to keep smiling and laugh with everyone. That's the only way I could get away from my disease and from my 'unwanted future'. However, these tears of sadness they flow to my face without regrets. I know its for the best. And that's the beauty of an Aquarius, I'm shapeless and there are no bullets that could kill me. I'll keep flowing like water throughout the shape of the surface that I stand with every pieces of me together. So the tears remain but I will never get trap in a jar forever. Maybe the shape of water relies on the shape of its jar but I wanna keep up with every possibilities that I could find my own shape. And these tears are the tears I called the drops of love. 

"Never give in to despair."

I'm certain~