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December 10, 2012

The Beauty Of An Aquarius

Tears? They are some form of liquids right? Which is also categorized with water.

I couldn't differentiate whether I'm happy or sad. All that I could see right now is I'm currently healing. However, I could never escape from pain. It has been a very burden magnet of my life. Last September, I was broken into pieces. Until today I'm trying to reassemble myself but there are some pieces of me that had really destroyed. In my life as a technician, I believe I could find solution in many ways even in such desperate attempt. However, a broken heart, is something we could never fix it.

I can hear it, in my heart, its cracking.

Looking at myself in the mirror and my lips were spelling out the letter 'H', 'E', 'R' and 'O'.

Hero.

I was never a hero in anyone life but I know somewhere deep down inside my heart. I am one because right now, I'm fighting with my own pain and shadow. I'm fighting with a smile that I hold onto.

And I met Jennifer,

I wanted to smile at her hoping that she could see my 'message' from my eyes. But I guess I'm a silent hero here. But it doesn't matter. I know the consequences and I had been ready for it.
Deep down inside my heart, nothing ever change because I always love her. We've gone through a very hard time together and believe me, I was there to hold onto the same pain. I have change for a very good reason. I would never say it but that remains our business between God and I. Lacus Cylne once again had appeared in my slept last September and she brought me to my underworld. I saw the memories of our first kiss, we were about to kiss but the world cracks and same goes to my heart. I could hear it. Then, things get worse so I've seen my future so I cried awake. That was the biggest chance in my life and that was the moment I've grown up and made a very cruel decision. There, I could only whisper two letter words for her, "I'm sorry". I've decided not to fall into despair. I made up my mind and I would save her from somewhere only God knows. I always look up that beautiful sky which reflects her. Nothing is more beautiful than her and I can only call her name out because I never declare this separation. She remains in my heart for as long as memories last.

It's very true that my heart is rusted and I've been crying all by myself. And there I realize another part of a hero, sacrifice. It will leads to misjudge but it doesn't a matter. A real friend will respect my decision rather than misjudge me by feelings. In my dream, I reached out that sky with her.

Here I am too, growing up. Its only the matter of time. I wanna keep protect every importance but there were time you just couldn't. That's why a hero has its weakness. A hero never is perfect.

And I keep smiling everyday for every person I've created a bond with. They were the strength that keeps me stronger. "Bonds of people are the true power". With all the energy I have left, I wanted to keep smiling and laugh with everyone. That's the only way I could get away from my disease and from my 'unwanted future'. However, these tears of sadness they flow to my face without regrets. I know its for the best. And that's the beauty of an Aquarius, I'm shapeless and there are no bullets that could kill me. I'll keep flowing like water throughout the shape of the surface that I stand with every pieces of me together. So the tears remain but I will never get trap in a jar forever. Maybe the shape of water relies on the shape of its jar but I wanna keep up with every possibilities that I could find my own shape. And these tears are the tears I called the drops of love. 

"Never give in to despair."

I'm certain~

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