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September 11, 2014

The 8th Stars

August came to me with a whole new atmosphere.
Its strange to me to realize how it brought me there.
But then again it was a total adventure to begin with.
That's what keeping me smiling through times.
At least I could mean it this time.

It was a fight.
I faced myself on the day before I got back to this city.
The day before I brought myself here, I came to this changes.

I don't get it too and I questioned myself over and over again.
"Why?"
Before I actually figure the answers, I doubt everything and make my own conclusion.
I don't get it.
What are these hesitation means...
After all, putting out those glasses of mine to cover me up...
I'm visible for my own.

'This is me, a coward.'

Calling myself Lies for the confusion and denial I made my own.
However, I thank God I hesitate too.
Because I already know what am I about to face.
Rejection.
But then again, I'm not afraid of that. I was afraid I made the wrong choice.
There is something lacking in me all the time,
Love.

I wasn't sincere at all.
So I hold back my objective and walk through it.
And I wasn't rejected to begin with.
I was a winner out of my own.
For I am brave enough to learn this possibilities and fight forward.

I ran but I didn't run off.
Because my heart itself is pointing me a direction.
The moment I enter my flight I learned something new.
I know I gotta do the right thing.
But why must it be now? I questioned myself over and over again.
Until the plane landed to this city and I took off my phone.

As I turned it on,
I search her name up on the contact. I actually leave her a text message letting her know I arrived here.
And I can't wait to see her...

There are voices in my head.
I'm listening to it echoing to me.
I guess the old me never fades away.
In fact, I was just the same person I was back then.
Before I step my foot out the airport, I look up the sky and I mentioned someone name.
And I bet some people do know who was I talking about.
For she was the person who was the reason I smile before and the reason I lost it too.

I was childish back then.
But then again it wasn't only me. Things don't work out so I guess she wasn't really meant for me.
However, she meant something to me.
For she had given me the ultimate light to see this dark narrow blindfolded life.
It wasn't that bad and it wasn't that good.
But she brought me the opportunity for I am about to reach my prayer.

As I step foot out the airport.
The wind blows me through my hair and it felt great to be home.
I guess I miss this place and I felt home for some good reason.
I was always on the negative thought.
But on that particular time I look at it differently.
I look through it on the bright side.
The possibilities of this life are undefined.

And I saw my phone messages.
Few hours later I went to her house.
It was only Raya visiting.
But I know I wasn't only that.
We have never seen each other for real and that was the day I saw her for real.

Why was I so speechless?
Where had my voice gone?
What happen to my confidence?
Which is my heart now?
And How am I supposed to be?

The last question was 'Who am I?'

That question had given me a light to welcome my personality back to myself.
The kind old me who wasn't spreading his hatred unnecessarily.
Maybe I was only releasing my anger.
However, this girl I met in my life for the first time ever...
She had given me this warm and comfortable feeling.

We talk about things and it all went well.
I didn't know I could be these shy and I was looking at the sky.
Sending my voice towards my past and dig out my lost self from the shadow.
I haven't change after all.
I was only fooling around and making myself a complete idiot.
It brought me to tears thinking about what it had been before.
But there is no time for pity for I had seen the ultimate treasure of my life that day,
Love.

'Am I falling in love for real?'

I denied that feeling and push myself away from it.
I was after all a coward of all time. Maybe not.
But I did hold back that time.
It freaks me out knowing that I have a heart to feel all this emotions.
I failed to delete myself and I fail to throw my humanity away.
Wasn't I did it only out of sadness and pain? Poor me for being such a lonely heart.
But I wasn't lonely.

Because the person I met for the reason why I came home too was the ultimate reason for everything.
After a while we get to know each other.
I know I felt it.
I know I realized it.
It burns my heart and I can't take it no longer that I brought it to a confession.

'I love you too' was the last word before I heard before I got it here today on this beautiful days of my life.
I opened my door for love and I had brought the ultimate gift for both of us to hold on one another and smile again and again.
That's how I got myself here writing today after a long time I sealed myself away along with my pain.
It was silly.
It was ridiculous.
And it matters not anymore.

I don't know what she thinks about it and how the whole world sees it.

My happiness is for my own after all.
Only God knows for I had mentioned it in my prayers time after times.
He sees it, He saw us and He had destined us to meet.
She was the 7 stars after all.
And I was the 8th star of hers.
Because I brought it there that day on the 8th of August.

An Autumn, the fallen of the years.

It was wonderful as the season came by.
Because I wasn't alone to feel that way.
I know I always had someone to come with.
That day had came to us and it had been a month of journey with us together.
It was simply a blessing.
And I thank God for He had answered my prayer.

This lady of mine had given me the angelic smile that sent me to paradise.
And why are we holding back?
FIGHT for what is right.
Because we can't simply come to a conclusion without figuring its answer.
Things get in the way. But it wasn't really what it is.
We let things get in the way and we are actually the key towards every answers.
I FOUGHT myself,
I FACED myself.

And that's how I met you.

2 comments:

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

Just as there's only 2 positions
for a light switch, UP or DOWN,
the 'on' position is pointing skyward...
while the 'off' position is pointing
toward our demise, to the whorizontal,
so only 2 eternities...
and 1 of em aint too cool.

Many analogies we might surmise
of that proposition... yet,
only 1 belief in the King of Hearts
who gives U.S. His Magnificent Light.

If that's too difficult 4u2c,
here's what I suggest:
I suggest you getta pair of GodSpex
from the Divine Physician, mortals.

God bless your indelible soul.

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

Just as there's only 2 positions
for a light switch, UP or DOWN,
the 'on' position is pointing skyward...
while the 'off' position is pointing
toward our demise, to the whorizontal,
so only 2 eternities...
and 1 of em aint too cool.

Many analogies we might surmise
of that proposition... yet,
only 1 belief in the King of Hearts
who gives U.S. His Magnificent Light.

If that's too difficult 4u2c,
here's what I suggest:
I suggest you getta pair of GodSpex
from the Divine Physician, mortals.

God bless your indelible soul.